Hey everyone, today is the grand finale of the Eurovision Song Contest! You know, the proud, 53-year-old pop music competition that makes American Idol look like an Arvo Part oratorio? From Greece to Iceland, this afternoon's final features 25 songs in a winner-take-all throwdown in Moscow, hosted by your beloved Alsou and Ivan Urgant!!! (I, like you, love those two.) This is the contest that launched Abba to fame in 1974, so you should go watch it at Hibernia Bar. DO IT.