Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I Just Saw Max Fischer!

Posted By on Wed, Jun 17, 2009 at 3:33 PM

bbc4/1245262670-jason_schwartzman5.jpg Hey, I just saw Max Fischer at the DUMBO bookstore! Dude is short, and I couldn't see what he was buying, but I'm pretty sure it was a book. Here are some things I wish I had said to him:

"Hey Fischer, why don't you grow up and play a different character for once! I mean, how is it Louis XVI and the moop from Shop Girl seem like basically the same dude?"

"Hey Fischer, Wes Anderson says you can be kind of a drag at parties."

"Hey Fischer, stay out of DUMBO."

"Hey Fischer, I bet you can't even really skate, for real. POSEUR."

"Hey Fischer, your mother is dead."

"Hey Fischer, Sofia Coppola, Kirsten Dunst, Natalie Portman told me you have a tiny wee-wee."

"Hey Fischer, I secretly envy your life and the interesting friends you seem to have, so all the preceding heckles were merely a way for me to feel better about the inadequacies I perceive in my own life, as I compare it to yours."

And then I started to cry.

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