Oh no. Over 400 Australian sailors will be throwing up all over the streets of Manhattan this weekend. Two frigates, the Sydney and the Ballarat, will be docked next to the USS Intrepid to honor the 100th anniversary of Teddy Roosevelt's around-the-world Great White Fleet tour (yes, Teddy R. toured with Great White, weird right?). Now, some of my best friends are Australians, so I feel fine in saying they really all are drunks and criminals; even the smart, pretty ones, like Cate Blanchett, would probably shiv you for a smoke. You've been warned.