Monday, January 11, 2010

The Maturity Index: It's Cold and We Are Old

Posted By and on Mon, Jan 11, 2010 at 1:39 PM

growin old is painful
Here's what citygirls Paige and Holly did this weekend. Are they... growing up?

If there is one thing we learned this weekend, it's that our maturity is inversely correlated to the temperature outside. The lower the mercury dips on the thermometer, the more elderly we become, and this weekend as the temperature plummeted we started applying for our AARP cards...


FRIDAY

-We meet up after work to get a drink and a snack before a show at The Upright Citizens Brigade: Age 24
-Wandering around the unfamiliar area of 26th and 8th in the freezing cold we are driven into the first place we are positive will serve hot sake: Age 26
-On a budget as always, we order miso soup ($3) and cheapest and most bland sushi roll imaginable (carrot and cucumber) and a huge bottle of hot sake ($7) from our poor, overworked waitress: Age 19
-We stand outside the UCB Theatre, freezing our asses off, checking out dudes, making jokes with strangers, and planning a hypothetical cross country road trip: Age 17
-During the show we are PISSED when, 20 minutes into the performance, a group of obnoxious high school age kids sit behind us and begin chatting to each other loudly, talking about drinking 40's and NOT turning off their cell phones, glare at them then finally loudly call them assholes. (I mean, we paid a whole $10 for this show!) Decide we hate kids: Age 30
-After the show we talk on the train about how disrespectful kids are these days and how "in our day" we never acted like them: Age 60
-Finally, on our warm couch in Brooklyn, we are excited to see that the Degrassi Marathon from last weekend is STILL ON!: Age 14
-Drink hot chocolate in girl pile: Age 8

SATURDAY
-Wake up, go to the gym, go grocery shopping, make healthy lunch and settle in to watch some news: Age 30
-News is quickly replaced by The Jersey Shore: Age 19
-Three hours of it: Age 13
-We make more hot chocolate, but this time we put mint chocolate vodka in it: Age 21
-Holly heads out to a BAM screening of "Broken Embraces" with her boyfriend followed by burgers and Sixpoints at Matchless: Age 30
-Paige and Kristy put in the Ke$ha album and dance through the apartment while trying on outfits: Age 13
-Paige invents (another!) new drinking game involving how quickly one can answer questions from the "If.. 'Questions of Life"" book: Age 19
-Paige's boyfriend comes over to escort Paige and Kristy to a friend's birthday party (where there is homemade salsa!): Age 32
-Paige and Kristy make him watch them do a semi-choreographed dance to "TiK TocK" by Ke$ha: Age 12
-At the birthday party Kristy plays with the host's cat as Paige hovers around the cake waiting for it to be served: Age 10

SUNDAY
-Wake up, go to the gym and Duane Reade, make healthy lunch again: Age 30
-Holly and her boyfriend make omelets, shop at the store "Junk", drink tea, and Holly reads Joyce Carol Oates as her boyfriend naps: Age 75
-Paige takes a bath, with bath salts and maybe a candle or two: Age 40
-Paige takes cat nap in her bed that she calls her "Quizno's" bed (because it has a heated mattress pad and she feels like a big sandwich when she's inside): Age 10
-Holly, her boyfriend, and roommates consume wine, minestrone, and discuss their ancestors: Age 62
-Holly paints her nails hot pink while boyfriend tries explaining different sections of The Economist: Age 16
-Paige and her boyfriend get jerk chicken takeout and watch surf videos: Age 24

So this weekend we used bath salts, scolded children, ate healthy, and didn't get so drunk we threw up OR passed out in public BUT we also danced to Ke$ha and watched our fair share of Degrassi and The Jersey Shore making our average age 25.6, our oldest ever! Baby steps, people, baby steps.

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