Because my beat today is clearly the lowly evening news "goofy" story, I will now tell you about a man named Rafael Ramos. Mr. Ramos is over six feet tall. He is 54 years old. He looks nothing like Paul Simon, in almost as many ways as you can't look like someone (for the record, Paul Simon is now 68 years old and is 5-foot-3, though he's probably shrunk a bit, at that age). Despite all of this Mr. Ramos went into Mr. Simon's bank yesterday with the latter's bank account number and SSN and attempted to withdraw over four grand. He did not succeed.
Well, I will never, ever have a better opportunity to post the following Flight of the Conchords video, which is awesome.