USA! U! S! A!
Yeah, not really a shocker here that America went home with the gold in sloth. The "event" considered four categories of lassitude: calories per day, TV watching, Internet use, and aversion to playing sports. With the US ranking number one in the first two categories, and number three in the others, the competition was pretty much over before it started.
On a personal note, I'm proud to say that my home country of Canada took home the silver, which always makes us happier than winning (too ostentatious). The main reason we made the podium was our number one in Internet usage, which balanced our number 12 in sports aversion. Maybe next year!