Sunstache, $8
Says "I'm fun enough to care about Halloween and cool enough to not put a lot of energy into it."

Embarrassing Photo Protective Sunglasses, $12
Actually kinda like these. Look how much fun the girl in the picture is having with them!

Lumberjack Ski Mask, $29
The stuff nightmares are made of.

Fingerstache, $8
Mustaches are still funny, right? Right?

Panda Buddy, $89
Part animal, part Karen O, part Catholic priest. Soooo comfy.

Panda Bear Ski Mask, $29
Comes with convenient mouth hole for your cigarette. Also makes you look like a murderer.

Volcom Fear Slim Hoodie, $79
Worst part, I don't think this is technically part of their "Halloween collection."

Not helping...

If you're on the hunt for a new hoodie, may we suggest this one?

Hershesons Small Hair Bow, $42
"Hey, look! That girl's hair is wearing hair!" Also comes in pink! $42!

French Maid Costume Tee, $39
A modern twist on a classic. Also perfect for baby showers and family get-togethers.

Latex Mask, $28
Hey, guys, I'm having trouble breathing. Seriously, guys? Can't breathe. Guys, you there?

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