For our readers who may not be familiar with your work, what’s the most accurate thing someone else has said about it? (No blurbs please.)
"Anyone who actually believed in God or the apparently archaic concept of blasphemy wouldn't be so eager to take the Lord's name in vain with such gleeful abandon." -Brent Bozell, Founder and President of the Media Research Center. I know thou said "no blurbs," but that is a good one.
What have you read/watched/listened to/looked at/ate recently that will permanently change our readers' lives for the better?
That is a two-way tie between a) The new solar companion star I am fashioning out of Neptune that will cancel out the effects of global warming, and b) 2 Broke Girls. The multi-cam workplace comedy is back!
Whose ghostwritten celebrity tell-all (or novel) would you sprint to the store to buy (along with a copy of The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius so that the checkout clerk doesn’t look at you screwy)?
Since I already know everything about everyone anyway, I have no need to purchase such point-of-purchase tripe. Also, I do not "sprint." If anything, I sidle.
Have you ever been a Starving Artist, and did it make you brilliant, or just hungry?
No. But I have caused untold myriads of artists to starve. It made some of them brilliant and some of them hungry, but either way it ALWAYS made Me laugh. Starving artists are funny.
What would you characterize as an ideal interaction with a reader?
On the reader's part, blind thoughtless obeisance. On My part, contempt disguised as pity.
Have you ever written anything that you'd like to take back?
The Seventh Commandment. Not because I endorse adultery, but because explicitly outlawing it only makes it more tempting.