About half of “And the Reality Check,” last night's episode of 2 Broke Girls, is decent. But it’s not the half you saw on-screen: it occurred before the episode was shot, in the writer’s room, when someone pitched an episode based around Max and Caroline giving up Chestnut the Fucking Horse. It’s a sign of a show admitting that it made a mistake, and its now attempting to right its wrong. Because, really, a horse? Maybe if the writers get rid of Peach, Oleg and Han, and re-tool the show to be about a less crass Max and Caroline dealing with real-life problems, and not have them mingling with reality show crowds and the future star of All the Prettier Horses, 2 Broke Girls might actually become OK. Until then, we’ve got this...
#5. “...and he pees like a Civil Rights fire hose.”
HAHAHA, remember when those black people in the 1960s tried to revolt against the discrimination they faced? Like, how they couldn’t vote and all, or even use the same water fountains as white people? Well, Chestnut the Horse’s piss is EXACTLY like that.
#4. “I just got an email, and I have made it to the final round of casting for Real Housewives of TriBeCa.”
“Real Housewives of TriBeCa? They’re doing neighborhoods now? What’s next, Real Housewives from Here to There?”
Why would producers of a show called Real Housewives of TriBeCa cast a woman who lives on the Upper East Side? (God, my life has come to this: pointing out continuity problems on 2 Broke Girls.) (Also: even Jay Leno wouldn’t touch the punch line of this joke.)
#3. “Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?”
“Because I can not be in the background of another Instragram photo.”
But how do you feel about being in GIF form, Max?
How’s that for an of-the-moment retort?
#2. “...the snowsuits hide Angelina’s weight problem.”
“You have to stop saying that. She doesn’t have a weight problem.”
“She’s gained 25 pounds in one year.”
“Yeah, ‘cause she started at zero.”
I give Oleg a lot of much-deserved shit, but Peach might be the worst character on 2 Broke Girls. She’s totally unlikable and has never said anything that could even remotely be construed as funny. Look at the quote above; the joke is “they’re babies!” That’s it. Plus, Peach undercuts the show’s premise, because I assume she pays Max quite handsomely. Babysitting for a rich person’s two kids is a job thousands would literally kill for. Let the murder begin with Peach.
#1. “Look, two parties of cool hipsters are sitting near wall.”
“OK. Let’s go over this one more time: Hipster or Homeless pop quiz, ready? Hipsters wear?”
“Hipsters listen to?”
“Homeless listen to?”
“The voices in their head.”
“Beard and blog.”
“Beard and so much sadness.”
Radiohead isn’t really a hipster band. They’re a Grammy-winning, South Park-appearing group whose last five albums have all been top-five Billboard hits. They’re one of the biggest bands in the world. And they obviously stole this game from Hipster or Homeless, or maybe Hipster Is the New Homeless, without acknowledging as such.