Last week, during the TCA press tour, 2 Broke Girls co-creator Michael Patrick King said some dumb things—basically, he’s a prick who believes that if you don’t find everything about his show funny, you’re wrong. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.
Anyways, last night was episode 14, an important number for a TV series because it’s the first episode in the show’s back-nine order. Most series get an original order of 13 episodes, and networks wait to see if it’s going to be a hit or a bomb—if it’s the former, nine more episodes; it it’s the latter, CANCELED. Over 12 million people are watching 2 Broke Girls every week (only three times as many as the Letters to Cleo-loving Parks and Recreation), so it got a full-season pick up. So, was anything different? NOPE. Never change, 2 Broke Girls. Never change.
#5. “Pick up, chicken breast. The way I know you want it: with bone in.”
Fuck you, Oleg.
#4. “Sophie just came in, Earl thinks she’s a hooker, and now my lip is feeling very Courtnee
I actually like this game. Courtney Love is to herpes as Billy Corgan is to _____?
#3. “Max, it’s not a 3D movie.”
“Who cares? It’s 3D glasses. Come on, you’re always talking about wanting to see things differently.”
There’s absolutely no reason why the episode had to end with Max and Caroline watching Saturday Night Fever in 3D on a porch swing in Jennifer Coolidge’s apartment, other than Michael Patrick King knew he had to include at least one cringe-inducing metaphor. Sometimes I actually miss Carrie Bradshaw’s puns.
#2. “Max, this is life, not Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.”
So unnecessarily specific. Next time your roommate is unhappy with a plumber, tell them, “Roommate, this is life, not Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.”
#1. “Thank you for sending girl to my apartment yesterday.”
“Did she do the job?”
“Like no one ever before. Down on all fours, under, over, under again.”
“Well, my girls don’t leave until you’re satisfied.”
One of my least favorite TV tropes is the one where someone’s referring to one thing, but because they speak in vague terms, another person misunderstands their meaning and thinks they’re talking about something else entirely. Wacky! For instance, the conversation above is about a cleaning service, but Max and Caroline think they’re talking about hookers. OBVIOUSLY. It’s such a lazy, hackneyed writing style, and people have been doing it for decades now. Does anyone actually speak like that? When was the last time a decent-seeming man who just had his apartment cleaned referred to the cleaner being on “all fours”? OVER AND UNDER WHAT?!? WHY DO PEOPLE ON TV ALWAYS THINK EVERYONE’S A HOOKER?!?