Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Top 5 James Franco Non Sequiturs In This Week's Huffington Post

Posted By on Tue, May 15, 2012 at 1:03 PM

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In addition to his manic acting career, it seems that selling invisible art, shaping young minds, pursuing a Yale PhD, penning collections of short stories, and collaborating with performance artist Kalup Linzy haven't been enough to satisfy James Franco's desire to super-saturate the cultural landscape with James Franco. His latest venture? Blogging.

Last week, Franco started his part-time writing gig at the Huffington Post, where he first published a long-ish, meandering rumination on the value of mass culture by comparing the Maysles brothers' Gimme Shelter (a Rolling Stones concert doc-turned-tragic account of the Hells Angels stabbing an audience member at the Altamont Speedway show) to the likes of the Jonas bros, Twilight, Hunger Games, etc. "But what happens is, the teen fandom is transformed into sales, and all the world appreciates is the money," Franco wrote. "When something sells, it is automatically considered good, regardless of who does the buying." This week, the star of Eat Pray Love and The Rise of the Planet of the Apes published his second post for HuffPo, an account of some time he spent in New Orleans, as well as some choice commentary on Nicholas Cage and ghosts. Dammit, we give up. If you can't beat the omnipresence of James Franco, you might as well make fun of him. Here are the five most befuddled things he wrote for the Huffington Post this week.

1) You don't need to become a mayor on Foursquare to become an expert on New Orleans. "My brother Dave did two consecutive movies in New Orleans, so he's a bit of a specialist on the area. Strangely, he doesn't like staying in the French Quarter, even though he's one of the biggest partiers I know."

2) James Franco is worldly. "Yesterday, Nana (my trusty hair woman, raised in Japan) and Iris (my production consultant, raised in Mexico) took a ghost tour of the French Quarter."

3) James Franco is a Published Author, as evidenced by his mad prose, bro. "We bought our tickets in the back and then, plastic cups in hand, headed outside to meet our tour guide, a large guy with floppy hair that he constantly pushed from his eyes and a cropped beard that traced the contours of his round face."

4) James Franco believes in ghosts, and so does New Orleans. "I spoke to the empty room and assured whatever spirits resided there that I was on their side. At first I thought it was a gag for tourists, but when I asked the maid, she knew nothing about it. Instead, she told me about the ghost of a Confederate soldier who chased female guests with blond hair. People in New Orleans believe in ghosts."

5) James Franco didn't think there was enough bullying in Bully. "That's why the film Bully left me with a secret inkling of disappointment that there hadn't been more actual bullying in the film. We go to such a film to side with the victims, but we also want to see some blood."

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