Keeping with Coachella's affection for catering towards a "higher end" clientele, passengers can expect DJ sets by James Murphy and The Rapture, a wine tasting hosted by Mr. Murphy, and such ship amenities as cabana-style alcoves and an half-acre grass lawn that magically makes a ship deck look a lot like Indio. How much will a weekend in indie-rock paradise set you back? Anywhere between $500 and $9,000 per person, plus the cost of bar tabs and travel to/from Fort Lauderdale, where the voyages begin and end. The important questions, though: Will Drew Barrymore be there? How many bathing suits should you pack to impress her? Will there be a variety of hummus and ample organic vegetables provided at every dining opportunity? What's on the agenda for daily activities? Well, for that, we have a few suggestions:
1. Reenact the bow-of-the-ship scene from Titanic with Grimes/Gregg Gillis, depending on sexual preference, while the ladies of Warpaint play a minimalist cover of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" behind you.
2. Spend an afternoon on the pool deck ranking the members of Hot Chip in decreasing order of paleness.
3. Kindly let The Rapture know over a friendly game of shuffle board that dance-punk is over.
4. Hit up the casino with Cloud Nothings, whose fatalistic doomsday outlook will come in handy when it comes time to double down.
5. Ask Jarvis Cocker to assist you in choosing which Hawaiian print shirt to buy at the souvenir shop. If he's not available, ask his son.
6. After four piña coladas, ask James Murphy to karaoke to "Drunk Girls" with you.
7. Play "Whose Audience Is Full of More Obnoxious Bros: Sleigh Bells or The Black Lips." Winning band's next album receives a guaranteed 9.0 or above rating from Pitchfork.
8. Sneak into Girl Talk's cabin and replace the music on his laptop with a recording of the steel-drum cover band that played on the pool deck that afternoon. Enjoy two-hour show comprised entirely of Jimmy Cliff and Shaggy samples.
9. Wager the over-under on whether Jarvis will remove his glasses in the swimming pool.
10. Count the number of times you see this guy from !!! wearing a shirt.
11. Strike up a conversation with Murphy in the buffet line about the many benefits of juicing.
Follow Lauren Beck on Twitter @heylaurenbeck.