Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Altering Rock Star Quotes for Fun and Profit

Posted By on Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 2:20 PM

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Yesterday, New Yorker pop-science wunderkind Jonah Lehrer (already wobbly from a "self-plagiarism" scandal earlier this summer) finally resigned when he was totally nailed on the fact that his best-selling book, Imagine: How Creativity Works, was filled with slightly too perfect, and thus totally fabricated, quotes from America's most beloved singer/icon/mumbler, Bob Dylan. And while part of us thinks that an overactive imagination is pretty apt given his chosen subject, it was what is typically known in journalistic ethics circles as "a dipshit move."

But we can definitely sympathize with the desire to bend occasionally inarticulate rock stars' words juuuuust so until they fit whatever subject we are trying to comment on. After all, if a rock star said it, it must be sexy/true. And while that sort of thing might get you canned from an apex of respectability like The New Yorker, we've got a little more leeway. (We hope?)

So let's try it out on a variety of hot topics...

For Your Latest Brooklyn Trend Piece

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"It's better to support your local rooftop rhubarb growers than to fade away."

- Neil Young


On Spin Magazine Shutting Down its Print Edition After Being Bought by BuzzFeed

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"Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read. And would it kill you to throw a couple cat pictures in there?"

-Frank Zappa


On The Oympics

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" I am the lizard king. I'm really excited for the Men's Badminton finals."

- Jim Morrison


On Navigating Your Cross-Generational Workplace

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(Just kidding, this one is real. You do not need to adjust Kanye tweets, because they are golden. Always.)


On Obama Ruining This Fine Country

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"I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in the unparalleled wisdom of the American free market system."

- John Lennon


On Becoming a Beacon of Light in This Troubled World

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"Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance. Where there is patience and humility, there is neither anger nor vexation. Where there is poverty and joy, there is neither greed nor avarice. Where there is peace and meditation, there is neither anxiety nor doubt."

- St. Francis of Assisi Nathan, of Wavves.

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