Broken Social Scene's golden girl Emily Haines skims the song's surface, letting her words do the work. "If you always get up late you're never going to be on time," she coos. That might be sexual, because with Haines I'm pretty sure it usually is, but it also speaks to swimmers' crack-of-dawn workout schedules. See how this is going to work?
You can barely make out anything Kim Deal is singing here, save for the words "cannonball" and "I'm the last splash." Let's go ahead and call this a song about diving.
Did you know that shooting is an official Olympic sport? Those guys/girls probably have impeccable eyesight. Hey, look, here's a song about that.
I bet under their shiny ponytails and Ralph Lauren tweed riding jackets, equestrian girls are really sad inside, just like this song.
A (gentle) anthem for white people who run.
I realize we already covered swimming, but this is one of my favorite songs ever, so, you know. "Come on in, the water's warm... it's calling you to come," it beckons over the most bittersweet of melodies.
It seems extremely unlikely that indie rock's nerd posse intended one of their biggest dance-floor hits to be about wrestling, but the repetition of "I am ready, I am ready for a fall" and "number one guy" makes you wonder.
Fencing? Can we say this is about fencing?
In case whoever wins the gold medal is not named Graham Smith, Ty Segall's "Muscle Man" could work at the medal ceremony in a pinch.
Staring at a bullseye for hours upon hours, alone with your thoughts, realizing that there is no longer a need to hunt wooly mammoths for survival has to incite slow-motion existential crisis in the mind of archers worldwide. Here's the perfect soundtrack for that.
Balance is a key ability in winning gymnastic routines, I heard the commentators say last night. Aside from the song title, the sad, romantic synths make me think of a little girl on a balance beam locked in a windowless Romanian gym chanting under her breath, "Hard work and your time/You can change your life."
I believe it was James Murphy who once used the phrase "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" as a metaphor for boxing.
If Nathan Williams were to pick up an athletic pastime, I bet it would be beach volleyball. It seems the most weed-friendly of the summer sports.
Follow Lauren Beck on Twitter @heylaurenbeck, who is watching the Olympics, nervously.