Monday, August 13, 2012

Happy Birthday Dr. Elders: Some Masturbation Sex Ed Moments

Posted By on Mon, Aug 13, 2012 at 3:13 PM

Happy birthday, Dr. Elders!
  • Happy birthday, Dr. Elders!

Dr. Joycelyn Elders, who I pray at least a few of you are old enough to remember, turns 79 today. For you younguns, Dr. Elders was appointed Surgeon General by Bill Clinton, and she is awesome. Though it ultimately cost her her job, she publicly supported the possibility of legalizing drugs, giving out contraception in schools, and, most famously, masturbation as part of a healthy sex life. I know, amazing! The statement that did her in was given at an AIDS prevention conference. She was asked if she thought masturbation could be a good alternative to riskier behaviors, and she said, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." Yup, even Clinton couldn't save her after that.

Dr. Elders has gone on to continue to support legalizing it and decrying abstinence-only sex ed. So today, in her honor, here are four hilarious sex ed materials dealing with masturbation.

1. Caught in the Act, via healthystrokes.com. Ricky's mom catches him jerking it, and is cool about it. Cool mom! The look on this kid actor's face while he is pretending to rub one out is more precious than rubies.

2. Instructional Modules on Sex Education for College Students. This thing was published in 2003 and is for COLLEGE KIDS! In Manila, but still.

Chapter 17: Masturbation
Time allotment: 1 1/2 hours
Concept: The urge for masturbation can be managed or sublimated.

"The relationship between masturbation and sociosexual adjustment still remains to be determined." Really?! Tell that to Dr. Elders! This important material is, of course, under copyright, but I have chosen the following fair use snippet for your enjoyment:

"Vaginal insertion of objects like bananas, cucumbers, eggplants, pencils and candles are common among females. Special devices such as artificial penises, dildos and vibrators are also used."

Candles?! Pencils?!?!?! All I'll say is if Alodia C. Fontanilla, Ph.D. invites you over for dinner, you say no.

3. Coach Give the Guys a Talking To. Oh this video is amazing. Watch it all. Appreciate how Coach just happens to have a poster with a line drawing of the penis and testicles lying around.

George: Does an erection...does that mean you have too much sperm, and you oughtta get rid of it?
Coach: Get rid of it? No. But sometimes your body will do that by itself, at night. It's called a nocturnal emission.

4. Spidey! Thanks to Be the Difference for Spidey's take on all this:

spidey.jpg

Spidey sez: "Masturbation won't make you insane or harm in you in any other way." The Amazing Spider-Man! Not insane from jerk-offs!

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