Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Four Wedding Song Options for Avril Lavigne and Dude From Nickelback

Posted By on Wed, Aug 22, 2012 at 2:25 PM

Last night, in a Twitter-catered shocker, news broke that eyeliner empress Avril Lavigne has gotten herself engaged to the frontman of burly mega-rock-band Nickelback, whose name is apparently Chad. Of course it's Chad. Chad Kroeger, to be exact. Their romance ignited when he, Chad Kroeger, collaborated with Lavigne on a song for her forthcoming album. This was all about six months ago. While a hearty congrats goes out to the couple (sincerely), we don't even know if he owns a skateboard. We, the world, are flooded with questions and concerns. To start, what song will the couple dance to on their big day? Some possible scenarios after the jump.

Savage Garden - "Truly, Madly, Deeply"

This would mostly be Chad's choice, as it appeals to his inner sensitivity and expresses the depth of his love for Avril more than anything currently on the radio. Their fondness for the 90s and the music it birthed is presumably mutual, however, which is the angle he's trying to play up in convincing her this should be the final choice. "This is my favorite song ever," he whispers in her ear at night. She's having a tough time fighting it because, as we all know, when she's within an one-mile radius of a man with frosted tips, she falls under a spell and is not able to think clearly. Stay strong, sister.

Fall Out Boy - "The Carpal Tunnel of Love"

Now this is more her style. The chorus, "We're so miserable and stunning," speaks to her. Sweet-cheeked plays on cynicism is Avril's forte. It's "cautious optimism," she explains to Chad. Chad is concerned how they're going to slow-dance to it, so she suggests forming a mosh pit with their closest friends because they don't need to follow the rules at their own wedding. Rules are for squares, and they're not squares because they're rock stars. Get with the program, Chad.

Crazy Town - "Butterfly"

The first time they made each other mixed CDs and saw they had both included Crazy Town on the other's tracklist, they giggled uncontrollably. They might make this their wedding song because they're edgy like that. Being rock stars and all. They want to give their friends and family a day they'll never forget. Hearing this song start up when they hit the dance floor would be mega shocking.

Olivia Newton-John - "I Honestly Love You"

In The Wedding Planner, an award-winning documentary about the wedding industry, Jennifer Lopez advises that choosing this song for your dance number predicts a short-lived union. To quote, "'I Honestly Love You' as your wedding song? You might as well commit matrimonial suicide right now!" Perhaps Chad and Avril do not know this. Perhaps they're thinking that picking an uber-traditional track is even more punk than picking an expectantly rogue one (because they're rock stars), and this Newton-John ballad is on their short list right this very second. We need to warn them immediately.

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