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Majestic Indian Headdress Count: 1 - 0. TIEBREAKER TO MS. DEL REY.
Bat Shit Crazy Spoken Monologue: In which Lana demonstrates how many points Axl left on the table, triumphantly running up the scoreboard. Not just:
I was in the winter of my life. And the men I met along the road were my only summer... I was a singer. Not a very popular one. I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet. But upon a series of unfortunate events I saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again. Sparkling and broken. But I didn't really mind it because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
Every night I used to pray that I'd find my people. And finally I did, on the open road. We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain; nothing we desired anymore. Except to make our lives into a work of art. Live fast. Die young. Be wild. Have fun. I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become. I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever. I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I'm at war with myself, I ride. I just ride. Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy. But I am free.
DOMINATING ADVANTAGE DEL REY.
Visual Stand-In for the Magical Freeing Properties of the American Southwest:
Slash's desert guitar solo is too big to be confined by the weathered walls of a rural church house, but LDR swings from a tire swing that was hung by St. Peter himself! Her doe-eyed debauchery hath become a state of grace... ADVANTAGE DEL REY.
VERDICT: Listen, I did not expect this to happen, but the facts do not lie. Lana Del Rey has created the crazier, grosser, and MORE epic dirtbag-love video! Dear God, Lana Del Rey has defeated Guns N' Roses! "November Rain" goes down! "November Rain" goes down! "RIDE" IS OUR MASTER NOW.