Someday we'll all remember where we were when the war on men started. I don't mean the build-up to the war on men—otherwise known as the feminist movement—I mean the actual pitched battles being fought by the sexes as they struggle with one another for dominance, for what each side believes is rightfully theirs. The opening shot was sounded today by Suzanne Venker when she posted an article on Foxnews.com entitled "The war on men." [sic] What about the war on capitalization, Suzanne? What about that?
All of which is to say it wasn't exactly surprising to hear that, over the weekend, after being (somewhat stupidly) provoked by comedian Jenny Johnson, Brown flew off the handle, told her to take her teeth out when sucking his dick and that his mom had instructed him to shart in her retina, then deleted his account.
One thing to think about here is that these are the words of a person who already has more money, acclaim, and influence than most of us will ever have in our whole lives, but another is that Brown has always been a fucking abomination on Twitter, and it's actually pretty impressive and bizarre that anyone lets him use it to begin with. Obviously, to cope, we compiled his worst outbursts to date.
Did you miss it? Probably you did, in fact, miss this Lifetime television masterpiece. I know this because the ratings for "Liz and Dick" were released and, well, not a lot of people watched it. Oh, some people watched it. But not a lot. Lucky for us, though, many of the people who did watch it are on Twitter and are very funny people, so I've rounded up some of the best tweets in an effort to give everyone the experience of having watched the new nadir that Lindsay Lohan has sunk to without actually having to sit for hours that seem like days and actually, you know, watch it.
I will say, however, that I personally boycotted this TV movie because, even though it's called "Liz and Dick" and wouldn't make much sense to include it, I really wanted to see a fictionalized account of Liz Taylor, Michael Jackson, and Marlon Brando as they escaped New York City on September 11, 2001, which is a thing that actually happened and NEEDS to be dramatized.
Anyway, on with the show!
While you were away, the U.S. deployed a secret, t-shirted weapon in Middle East diplomacy. 90s alt-legends slipped into that good night while 00s alt-heroes prepped a return. R. Kelly's life's work continued, as wigs were worn, secrets revealed, heads shaken. Fuzzy Italo-disco continued to exist. Details follow...
One year ago next week the Food and Drug Administration was poised to announce that EC had been approved for on-the-shelf access, such that it could appear at your local pharmacy between condoms and pregnancy test kits. But Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Kathleen Sebelius stepped in at the last minute and ruled that Plan B One-Step and its generic equivalent must remain behind-the-counter. That decision led to confusion and unnecessary obstacles for women, teens, and couples at the very moment clarity was needed most. For example, we know that:
*Doctors and teens have been given misinformation about the age restrictions applied to emergency contraception over the counter (currently 17) or told that teens could not get the product at all (not true). This confusion helps no one.
* Men have been told by pharmacists in several states around the country that they could not buy EC (not true), presenting obstacles and delays when timing matters.
*Rape survivors have been denied access to EC by doctors and prison staff.
* Individuals without government issued identification may have difficulty accessing EC because of the restrictions.
[RH Reality Check]
If there's one thing everyone all across the political spectrum should be able to agree on, it's that unwanted pregnancies are not good (I know that's wishful thinking). Sign this petition to have HHS Secretary Sebelius revisit her decision to put emergency contraception behind the counter.
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Nearly a third of the set was made up of songs from his most well-known incarnation Bright Eyes, including crowd pleasers “Classic Cars” and “At the Bottom of Everything,” but he dusted off selections from his other bands too, including the Mystic Valley Band (“Lenders in the Temple”) and Monsters of Folk (“Maps of the World”, sans the other Monsters). He’s come a long way from his "Self-Loathing and Long Bangs: The Conor Oberst Story" days, despite still being able to hit those quivering, frightening notes that thousands of other tortured balladeers have attempted and failed to reproduce over the years.
Everyone loves the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It's a tradition that brings us all together as Americans, provides something innocuous to talk about while you spend the entire day with your relatives, and keeps rents extremely high for apartments that line the parade route. A good time is had by all!
The whole thing is sort of a logistical nightmare, though, and things don't always go that smoothly. Because Thanksgiving (and in particular, Black Friday) isn't exclusively a time of good will, a few of the odder, more embarrassing things that have happened over the years.
At Toys R Us, the line of customers waiting for the 8 p.m. opening stretched several blocks along Times Square.
Erica Williams, 32, of Brooklyn, said, “I’m looking for an Xbox and an iPod. I’m saving about $200 on the Xbox, and with the iPod bundle, I’ll save about $100.
“I’m getting all my shopping done tonight, just tonight, no Black Friday, no Cyber Monday, none of that. I’m a pro at this.’’
And this year, she won’t have to resort to paying “a homeless person to sit in line for me." [NY Post]
Despite a walkout planned by Walmart workers to protest low wages, bad benefits, and overall terrible treatment by their corporate overlords, Walmart says they've already had the best Black Friday ever.
A press release from Walmart reports that the retailer experienced the best Black Friday ever. Starting at 8 p.m., Walmart sold more than 1.8 million towels, 1.3 million televisions, 1.3 million dolls, and 250,000 bicycles. [CS Monitor]
So I guess early Black Friday is here to stay.
Bradford's ruptures, de Balincourt's ecstasies and Lansden's painstakingly meta-woven necessities are among the subtler points of note in these picks from the 11/21 edition of our fine-fettled newsletter.
American novelist Tom Wolfe is being hotly tipped to win this year’s Bad Sex in Fiction prize for a second time. The annual award is given “to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel”.
Other novelists on this year’s longlist include newcomer JK Rowling for her debut novel, The Casual Vacancy: “He retained a memory of her bare pink vulva; it was as though Father Christmas had popped up in their midst.... he forced his way inside her, determined to accomplish what he had come for… Krystal moaned a little. Her head thrown back, her nose became broad and snout-like.”
She faces stiff competition from Nicholas Coleridge’s The Adventuress (“In seconds, the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of Hohenzollern Castle… ‘More, more,’ he cried out. ‘Next time you will discipline me dressed as a nun. I have the garments in the cupboard’.’”) and Howard Jacobson’s Zoo Time. [Standard]
Here's the list, for people who need some holiday reading.
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Plan on being baffled when watching this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. This year, alongside the Sonic the Hedgehog and Ronald McDonald balloons marched down the street, there will be one incredibly depressed clown, weeping from the bottoms of his helium-filled heart. That grayscale clown goes by the name “Companion” and was designed by street artist KAWS in the 1990s. This parade will mark his first appearance in the skies of New York.
Location: Antalya, Turkey
Cause of Death: throat cut, face slashed.
Date of Death: July 10, 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Cause of Death: Gunshot to the face.
Date of Death: April 16, 2012
Paige was 23 years old.
Location: Kuruman, South Africa
Cause of Death: throat cut, partial decapitation, genitals stuffed in mouth.
Date of Death: June 09, 2012
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Cause of Death: Fire
Date of Death: May 11, 2012
Guys, we have to do better by trans people. It's a messed up situation when a community has to hold an annual vigil for people killed in hate crimes. Often, the T in LGBTQ gets left behind when groundbreaking anti-hate crime or anti-discrimination laws are getting made, and people are dying. We can't allow this to continue.
You’re still reading the art events this week, so we’re still writing ‘em. Gotta get a few in before Thanksgiving. Junkies.
The Holidays are upon us! Are you ready? Of course you are not! This shit creeps up every year, but especially this year, between Sandy, Athena, and election. But it's here, and with it the holiday crowds. Every year I fool myself into thinking it won't be so bad, go to one of these places, have a meltdown, and yell at some poor person trying to enjoy the crowded magic of the city Holiday Season. So here is a reminder, to you and to me, to avoid the following areas until 2013.
Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas - Eazy-E is def my favorite These two dudes hanging Christmas lights…
In my defense, it works either way, & I love your stuff...
Ha - never mind, just re-read it properly for the 1st time (LOL)