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Ah, remember how innocent we were back in February when 50 Shades was just the hook for a story on e-readers and “mommy porn?” Whoever would’ve guessed it would go on to launch 1,000 terrible knock-off novels, headline puns, erotic fiction imprints, crappy couples’ weekend package deals, and lifestyle pieces about middle-aged couples reigniting their sex lives through faux BDSM. Every type of 50 Shades of Grey merch imaginable now exists for purchase: ties, sex toys, T-shirts, underthings, handcuffs, cookbooks, stemware, jewelry, perfume, “Keep Calm and” prints, keychains, aprons, car decals. It’s kind of hard to imagine that 60 years ago we were banning Lolita, and now it’s considered mostly just goofy to stuff your baby in a onesie with a line from this book on it. Which I guess is progress? I’m all for smut but maybe in 2013 let’s see if we can’t go bananas over a kinky story that didn’t start life as Twilight fanfic.