"I'm sorry I have a boner. It's not for you." And just like that the second season of Girls kicks off with what I think is a better response to all the criticism directed at Lena Dunham than her other scripted response to media criticism, which is to fuck Donald Glover before the show's title flashes on screen. Because it certainly does seem like every media outlet, including this one, has a major hard-on for Dunham. The amount of content generated off this one woman and her television show is mind-boggling. But all that content gets eaten right up, so it isn't only the media that has a boner for Girls, it's also the consumer. And, yet, despite the fact that there is a lot of adulation directed toward Dunham, there is also so much criticism aimed at her too—about everything from her supposed solipsism to her bodily imperfections. So, sure, here's a big hard penis seeking you out, Hannah Horvath. But, don't take it personally. We don't really like you that much. Ahh! Girls is back.
So where did we leave the characters last season? What was going on in their world which looks so suspiciously like our own only we somehow get by without parental support? Well, Shoshanna lost her virginity to Ray. Boom. Done. Virginity is gone. When we check back in with Shoshanna this episode, she explains her newly deflowered (ew, terrible word) status this way, "Miss would definitely be the wrong word. I wouldn't say that I miss it. I would just say that I feel like there's something missing." Oh, Shosh. Also, she burns sage and wears a small hat to a house party and even though I think all of this is somewhat endearing in a fictional character, if she was a real human that I had to spend any time with at all, well, I wouldn't spend any time with her at all. There is no one like Shoshanna in real life, I hope. Anyway, maybe she'll get more nuanced as the season goes on? Or at least wear more appropriate hats. Hats are not for everyone.
Marnie ended last season in a sort of drifting state. Suddenly, she was boyfriend-less and living with Shoshanna and all of those terrible mini-hats instead of with Hannah. But at least Marnie had her job, right? Well, not any more. Marnie gets fired from her job and learns a little bit about office politics in this exchange with her former boss—who wears pigtails, not incidentally—about why it is that Marnie is getting fired instead of her idiot co-worker, Julian.
"You're keeping Julian instead of me? Julian spilled Yoo-Hoo on a Prince. Why would you keep Julian?"
"Well, I fucked Julian, so he could sue me."
Right there? That is a valuable life lesson. Always sleep with your boss so they can never fire you. Of course, I am not exactly serious. But it isn't the worst advice in the world. (Yes, it is. It is literally the worst advice in the world. Never sleep with your boss.)
Jessa, of course, got surprise-married to an investment banker. We don't see Jessa nearly enough this episode. She and her banker husband skip the airport line and hop in a cab and all we can tell is that Jessa must be coming back from the Caribbean because she has half a head of braids in her hair and everyone knows that the best reason to go to the Caribbean on vacation is to get your hair braided so that when you come back to New York, everyone knows that you were on an island somewhere. At least, that was the rationale when I was in middle school and so I'm sure it holds up today, years and years later. There wasn't much of Jessa this episode. More Jessa, please.