Yesterday, The Hollywood Reporter, uh, Hollywood reported that the long-speculated-upon Bored to Death movie is really, truly happening. Alright! Good, maybe even great news for fans of detective stories and/or Jonathan Ames and/or any type of Brooklyn-related media. But what, precisely, will happen in this movie? Well, per the logline obtained by THR:
"Jonathan, Ray, and George reunite to fight crime, commit crime, lose their minds, and fail-at-love in a Bored to Death feature-length slapstick adventure."
Which, strange wording aside, sounds about right. And since Ames is set to write and executive produce alongside show veterans Sarah Condon and Stephanie Davis, it would seem there would be a good amount of continuity. Even so, a lot has changed around these parts since these beloved man-children last graced our screens! What kind of hijinks could they possibly get into now, in 2013 Brooklyn? I have a few (mostly) friendly suggestions.
Yes, Girls already did this (and did it pretty well), but it would be sort of remiss for them not to end up here at some point. Besides, they always spent too much time in South Brooklyn, anyway.
Speak of the devil! Surely one insular group of white people can bond with another over their crippling emotional immaturity, and humorous self-awareness thereof? Also, it would probably just be funny. And happily paid for by HBO.
Maybe Ray throws a tantrum over the small soda sizes, maybe George gets caught snorting coke off the butt of a Brooklynette. I don't know, the people actually getting paid for this can hammer out the specifics. Either way, the Bored to Death crew wouldn't fare well at the Barclays Center.
Isn't it sort of suspect that every single mystery they come across is tidily confined within the New York area? With more time and (presumably) a bigger budget, maybe some of the "slapstick adventure" can take place in Atlantic City, or Miami? I've heard this kind of thing worked pretty well for Zach Galifianakis in the past.
Or at least one of them dies? Maybe in some kind of things-got-out-of-hand game of "Fuck, Marry, Kill?" I don't know, again, that's for the people actually getting paid to hammer out. But it makes sense, doesn't it? I'm not just being a jerk here! The title of the entire franchise sort of implies that someone could end up dead, if we're really getting into it. Also, wishing ill on fictional characters is not technically that bad, and anyway, it's just a suggestion. But maybe kill off Ray.
Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.