We see Adam. Adam! Oh, Adam. Don't drink out of that mason jar full of old milk, Adam. Just don't do it. Get new milk. Get new milk is kind of the lesson for everyone this week on Girls. Although, I guess I'm not really sure if that's a lesson at all. Because that's not a thing people say, is it? Get new milk. But in a way, it kind of is a lesson, and that lesson is this—stop drinking from the same mason jar of old, sour, vomit-inducing milk. Why? Because it's going to make you sick. Everyone on this week's episode realizes that there is no going back, that they need to move forward and leave the old, clotted dairy products behind. Or something like that. What I'm saying is that when you're able to chew your milk, throw it out. And don't call your ex-girlfriend who is going through her own unhealthy regression issues. That won't help anyone. Put the phone down, Adam, and move on. You'll see. Things get better. At least for a little while. Everything is probably ultimately doomed. But at least you won't get sick from the old milk.
But, sadly, Adam can't hear my advice and so he calls Hannah, who doesn't pick up. Hannah is walking down the street and is, well, not looking so good. Splotchy and sweaty and anxious and awful. The phone call triggers a series of head jerks that she counts off: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. And then we see Hannah do several more things—bang her door, count out chips, chew the chips—at each instance she counts off 8 times. These are some major OCD issues that we've never seen specifically with Hannah but which make a weird kind of sense for the character. Hannah is under a huge amount of stress from her book deal and it is understandable that she would regress into the obsessive-compulsive behaviors that, we find out, she dealt with in her childhood. I have to say, after seeing Hannah in just about every compromising position known to man over the last two seasons, this was the first time I ever felt like averting my eyes. It was too painful to watch. It is too open a wound. She can't escape, and it's raw and terrible. Girls.
So, we then see Marnie (who is awful in pigtails) and Shoshanna and Ray walking through Washington Square Park and talking about Jessa's disappearance. Because Shoshanna is genuinely sweet, she is worried about Jessa. "Like where is she? What is she wearing? Is it linen? Is she warm enough?" And because Marnie is awful, she is not worried at all, saying contemptuously, "She's warm enough. She's definitely warm enough." Ugh, Marnie. Get over it. It's not Jessa's fault you're awful.
Ray, of course, is the voice of reason, saying that Jessa is fine because, "She's a fucking hustler. And not in the positive sense of that word." I didn't say the voice of reason had to be nice. It's just reasonable.
Of course, Marnie gets all bitchy again, spitting out, "This is what she does. She fucks shit up, leaves, and then blames it on her marriage or her relationship with her dad. But this is what she does, this is classic Jessa." Shut up, Marnie. Sometimes people blame stuff on actually bad shit that's happened. Like having a bad marriage or problems with their dad. That is not unacceptable to do. That is human. Try to be human too, Marnie.
Anyway. I shouldn't be too harsh to Marnie, even though she sucks and is a grown woman wearing pig tails, because Marnie is about to get a wake-up call. It turns out that Charlie sold an app he created and now has a great job and a staff of eleven people and works in a corner office in Chelsea. As soon as Ray and Shosh impart the knowledge to Marnie—Ray pointing out that Charlie is now "basically a bougie nightmare"—she runs off to be a jerk. Shosh says, "We may never see her again." And everyone watching collectively says, "We wish."
And then there is a woman on roller blades. Radhika. She goes to NYU with Shoshanna because, of course. She says something about the rollerblades being vintage and how there's a party she's having that Shosh and Ray should attend and knowingly eyes Ray and says to Shoshanna, "Ohhh...now I know where you've been all summer." Radhika rollerblades away and Shosh freaks out because she has socially disappeared from her NYU crew and she tells Ray that, "My worst nightmare is having someone think I'm dying or have died when I haven't, and I'm living that." Ray refuses to go to the party because he's 33 and not a fucking idiot but Shosh is going to go and all I can say to those two is that it was nice while it lasted. But that couple's days are numbered.
And then here we are at an AA meeting with Adam and CAROL KANE, who I love and love and love for just about everything. So, this is exciting. What do we find out? Well, Adam has been sober since he was 17. Also, we learn a lot about how he felt like with Hannah including that "it wasn't love, at least not the way I imagined it" but that he loved showing her things like "the street Central Park began on and how to use soap" and he wanted "to get the chance to show someone everything." But then it all ended—"she changed her mind about me and it was THAT fast"—and Adam was left adrift. Well, that was perfect. Adam Driver is amazing in this part and he sold that speech so well and not just to the viewers but also to Carol Kane who thinks that Adam is "cuter than a dimple in a bug's ass" and wants him to go out with her daughter. This can ONLY end well, right? I don't know! Probably not. But it is adorable when Adam calls Natalia and they set up a date and Adam is cripplingly nervous and knows he sounds creepy but can't help himself. "Hi, Natalia. I'm a creep." It's amazing.
And, Marnie stalks Charlie. Because she's awful. She goes to his office which has baby blue Eames chairs in the seating area and watches him talk to some female employees and then tries to pretend that she was just in the neighborhood because "Chelsea is very central." To what? Absolutely nothing. But Marnie's bad lies are not really the point. Charlie is impatient though and when Marnie claims, "I'm here for support!" He shoots right back, "From me or for me?" She can't even reply. Charlie has no space for her anymore and although his office is pretty much full of bizarre antics that would make working there a living hell, like sirens going off because "the office next door is doing a lip dub thing for their YouTube channel," Marnie is still jealous. Because she gets that Charlie is not drinking old, sour milk anymore. He's moved on. And she's just the old, sour milk. That's drinking herself? I don't really know. But I think you get what I'm saying.
So then we see Hannah meeting her parents for dinner and Judy Collins. Hannah is still not doing well and her parents notice. Specifically her mom, who calls her out on the counting thing, and tells Hannah that she wants to help. Hannah snaps at her that she's fine, but that even if she wasn't, "It hurts me more than it hurts you. I'm the one who has to experience it." Hannah's mom does that thing that moms sometimes do, saying that she doesn't know why Hannah is afflicted and that it couldn't be their fault. Hannah answers, "Well, it's genetic which is sort of the ultimate your fault." And that was great. Because, really, everything is our parent's fault. Especially our mothers. Everyone knows that, right? Cool.
So, this very awkward concert/dinner is interspersed with Adam's very not awkward date. It turns out that Carol Kane's daughter is hot. And she thinks Adam is hot. And agrees with her mom's assessment that Adam is "a very nice boy, with a fresh look." This could be good. This could be very good for Adam and maybe he could finally stop drinking that milk? I hope so.
Shoshanna is at Radhika's party. It's a shit party. So Shosh leaves and talks with the creepy doorman who was checking her out when she walked in. There's some small talk about how Shosh is more of a club person than a party person and the doorman asks if her name is Muslim or something ("Sort of.") And then Shosh tells him that he's hot for a doorman and they hook up behind the mailboxes. I disapprove. That doorman was super-creepy. Whatever, I guess Shosh needs to do something to move forward and away from Ray. Even if that something is a creepster doorman.
Back at Shoshanna's apartment, Ray is reading and Marnie walks in to bitch about Charlie. Ray is the best because Ray intones, "Marnie learned another life lesson. How adorable." Eventually he gets tired of her bullshit and just straight up asks her, "What do you really want to do?"
"I want to sing."
And so Marnie sings. Norah Jones. And, yes, she has a lovely voice. But also, she is the worst person. So Ray is all, "I'm going to stop it there because this is getting a little too intimate for me." Ray is the best and Marnie is the worst. Ray just tells her that if she wants to sing she has to do it now. She will never look better and she "can't dress like a magician's assistant forever." He tells her, "If you want to sing, sing now."
And then, because she is the worst, she starts singing again. Ray is all, "Not at this moment." And she says, "Well, be more fucking specific." And he says, "I thought it was obvious." Which it was. To normal people who are not the worst.
Hannah and her parents are sitting in the waiting room of a specialist for her OCD recurrence. The specialist is played by Bob Balaban, which is perfect. We find out that when Hannah was younger the whole counting to 8 thing manifested itself by her counting things like "Every pulse in my vagina. And I would force myself to watch things in my head in a loop of 8. Sexual things, murder things." When Bob Balaban claims this is classical, Hannah shoots back, "Is it classical to masturbate 8 or 16 times in a night until your legs shake and you're crying?" There's more to it, but it's too sad. And the point is, never say someone's problems are classical. Because then they will need to prove that their problems are special, which only means that their problems are terrifying. And human. Ah. Poor Hannah.
Bob Balaban tries to get to the root of the problem, which stems partially from her breakup with Adam and not being able to "decide if he's the greatest person in the world or the worst" but also from her book deadline. When she finds out that Bob Balaban has sold 2.5 million copies of his book series about a boy and his bionic dog, she tells him, "I will do anything you say as long as you tell my parents I'm ok." He asks her, "Are you ok?"
And then we see Hannah and her parents on the subway. Hannah has a prescription bag in her hand. Her father tries to lean in toward her but hesitates. Both of her parents focus on her. She is angry and forceful as she says, "I hate it when you look so concerned about me." The circles under her eyes are dark. The train moves forward. Hopefully Hannah won't drink that sour milk anymore. Hopefully she'll pull it together. We'll see.
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