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And now here we are in the house of Shoshanna. Which is also the house of Ray. And the house of Marnie. And Ray is sick. And Marnie is Marnie. And suddenly Shoshanna's extremely high-strung nature makes more sense as she rattles off a list of things she could get for Ray to help him feel better. She's over-compensating so much that Ray finally asks, "What's with all the geisha shit?" And then I remember. Shosh made out with that doorman. So of course she's feeling guilty. Ray feels bad that he questioned why Shosh is being so nice and apologizes to her. So, everything's going to be fine between them, right? Right?
We hear Marnie sing. Ray, because he is awesome, looks appropriately horrified and questions what it is.
"Oh, it's Marnie. She's writing a song. She's following her dream." Totally perfect deadpan from Shoshanna there. Zosia Mamet was brilliant in this episode.
Marnie emerges from the back of the apartment to ask Ray, "Do you know Garage Band?" Ray tells her that he has, in fact, "been known to dabble in the Macintosh Arts" and, after some prodding from Shoshanna, goes off to help Marnie, mostly by preventing her from adding bassoon to the track she's laying down. Shoshanna sits alone, looking guilty.
Also alone is Hannah. Hannah is sitting on the wood floor of her apartment, writing. She is not wearing pants. She scootches over to get some olives and then she scootches over to get a pillow and then when she scootches back, she gets a horrible splinter in her butt. It looks really painful. And just like how so much of this season has answered criticisms of the show and of Lena Dunham by doing things like adding a black character or challenging how comfortable we really are with imperfect female bodies, I kind of have to wonder if this scene is an answer to all the people who tell Lena Dunham to put pants on. Because so many people tell Lena to put pants on. So it's basically like she's saying that she knows what the risks are with only wearing underwear, but she likes living on the pantsless edge of doom. It's very brave. So very, very brave.
And while Hannah is getting a piece of wood stuck in her ass (um, ew, sorry) Adam and Natalia are confirming their status as boyfriend and girlfriend. Adam will attend Natalia's friend's engagement party that evening, which is probably the most serious thing Adam has ever done in his life. This is big.
Meanwhile, Marnie goes to meet Charlie for lunch. Sadly, though, Charlie stood her up. He totally forgot about lunch because his company had a record-breaking day where they achieved the lofty goal of 20,000 MAUs. Which means monthly average users. Boring. Anyway, Charlie invites Marnie to a party to celebrate as sort of a conciliatory gesture for not meeting her for lunch and she eagerly agrees to go. As she walks away, he looks like he's not so sure it was the best idea to invite her. Which, duh, Charlie. It was the worst idea to invite her. It's Marnie.
Back at Hannah's apartment, Hannah pulls out the splinter with a pair of newly opened tweezers. Then Hannah takes out a Q-Tip. Whenever I see a Q-Tip—including in my own, real-enough life—I think of how, when I was little, my mother warned me never to clean out my ears with Q-Tips because you should never put something in your ear that is smaller than your elbow. Which made NO SENSE to me because your elbow wouldn't fit in your ear and neither would anything bigger than your elbow. So I would secretly use Q-Tips. I would have to sneak Q-Tips. But it was always totally worth it because cleaning out your ears with Q-Tips feels really good. Like, really good. I guess that in the same way Hannah Horvath doesn't wear pants on a wooden floor, cleaning out my ears with Q-Tips has always been my version of walking on the edge of ecstasy and doom, if you know what I mean. Does anyone know what I mean? Possibly not, no. This episode might have changed that my mind about that particular vice though. Might have. Because, while I have never used a Q-Tip with the vigor that Hannah does here, she lets out a blood-curdling scream as she sticks it in too far. And this scared me! But probably not enough. We'll see.
Anyway, Hannah calls her parents back in Michigan. Once they find out what happened, her mother promptly reminds her that she always told Hannah, "Nothing smaller than an elbow!" At which point I almost died because I had NO IDEA that anyone other than my mother ever said that. I really thought that was one of the things only my mother said. Hours later and I am still stunned. Anyway, Hannah's parents tell her to go to the hospital and ask, "Who's going with you?"
Poor Hannah, who has lost three roommates in the recent past, replies, "Uh, any one of my 12 -15 very close friends, but that's not why I'm calling you."
They tell her, "Just go to the hospital, honey." And she does.