Thursday, March 14, 2013

Your Stupid SXSW Tweets, Categorized

Posted By on Thu, Mar 14, 2013 at 11:38 AM


Why? Because I'm pale, embittered, and still in my office, while everyone I know is Instagramming pictures of pool parties and free beer? Well, yes, obviously. You guys spent the morning day drinking in the sun, I spent it on a train full of jerks who wouldn't even get their fat, terrible bodies out of the way to let me off at my stop. But also, in a slow news week when everyone is out of town and partying without me, the totally monotonous use of social media really adds insult to injury.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Haters can't stop my shine, if you really care that much, don't look at Instagram this week." Nope. Ruining everyone else's fun seems like the way better option, actually. So here is how you've all been tweeting. It's the worst.

Hipster Jokes

Almost as fresh and appreciated as Hitler jokes.

Anything About Tacos

Hey guys, Texas! Tacos! Ugh. Whatever happened to just eating to survive?

Anything About Grumpy Cat

Hey, you know what other cats could use attention? The 50 million stray cats in the U.S. who have no one to care for them and will be killed if you don't adopt them. So.

Anything About Doritos And/Or Taco Bell And/Or Oreos

Yes, this is actually different than tweeting about tacos. Because if there's one thing SXSW, it's music emerging artists drinking brands.

Killing It

"Killing" it? Really? I WISH. Aaaaaaaaaah.

Broadcasting Loneliness

Just get on Tinder if the situation is really that dire.

  • Instagram/fatflymf

Pool Pictures


Pope Crossover Jokes

Yeah, whatever, I get the humor. But you know what I hate more than too many SXSW tweets? The papacy. One of civilization's most despicable institutions.


Killing it, everybody. Really.

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.

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