It's been quite a journey these last ten weeks. At least, it has for me. Because every Sunday night I would stay up till the wee hours of the morning in order to recap Girls for all of you. I am at heart, it seems, a giver. And now that my attention is about to finally shift away from Hannah Horvath and company, I wanted to take one look back at the most significant moments of Season 2. Then we can bury this season where it belongs, in the ground right next to Season 1 and assorted L Mag staffers who have gone on to "other things." So enjoy this eulogy, because soon enough I will never write about Girls again and will focus on the things that really matter. Things like Game of Thrones. Dragons! Ahhh. I can't wait.
These Promotional Posters
So, I don't know if anyone remembers these posters that were certainly up all over my neighborhood in Brooklyn around the new year. The thing about them is that they all had to do with last season's plot lines. Or so it seemed. Unless Jessa would have another boss she was going to flirt with? But, in fact, what's interesting in looking at them now, is that these resolutions would hold fast in what we want for all the girls next season too. Hannah should not let any man treat her heart like monkey meat. Not that I'm even sure what that means because I can't imagine anyone treating monkey meat with anything other than respect. Monkeys are great! And Shosh should definitely look for a young financial planner. Even if it doesn't work out, she at least needs to go that route once. Just to know she tried. And who knows if Jessa will ever even work again? But if she does, she definitely shouldn't flirt with her boss. And Marnie. Oh, Marnie. Please change. Stop being uptight. Start being human and likable, if thats not too much to ask. Is it?
Shoshanna's Little Hat
I know many people think Shoshanna's hair accessories—which also occasionally include her actual hair, in the shape of a donut—are amazing, and I basically agree. I am amazed by them. But not in a way that I feel comfortable about. I'm amazed by them in the same way that I am amazed by her use of emoji. I am glad that someone out there employs emoji so nonsensically, but I am just as glad that I don't know them in real life.
Hannah Puts a Puppy In Her Shirt
This one action bothered me more than just about anything else. Maybe because I could already guess that the fate of the puppies—Garbage, Fucker, and Hannukah—was not going to be in the happy home of Jessa and Thomas-John. Or maybe because I feel like Hannah was pretty sweaty in that scene and and I felt bad for the little guy. Either way, this moment made me cringe. I mean, look at his little puppy face. He looks dead in the eyes. Yikes.
That Yellow Mesh Shirt
This episode is one that I'm still trying to get over. Partly because of this terrible tank top. Partly because of all the lines that were done on that grungy toilet seat. Partly because that is not how adults act on coke. That's how maybe children think adults act on, like, goofballs or something. Or it's how people act on Ecstasy. Either way, it was a real low point for the show.
Jessa Meets the Parents
Have you ever known someone who says things like "Parents love me"? Ugh. Stay away from those people. They tend to be kiss asses who need validation from whoever they think is at the top of some artificial power structure. Plus, the real indicator of whether or not someone is a worthwhile person is if dogs love them. That's how you know you've got a keeper. Also kids, but to a lesser extent. Some kids are, after all, really dumb. Anyway, Jessa is not one of those people who parents love. And it was pretty clear in this scene where she pretty much burns her whole marriage to the ground. But good for her. It was a shitty marriage and why stay in one of those anyway?
Hannah Compares Herself to Fiona Apple
In this much-talked about episode, you might assume that the most cringe-worthy moment involved naked ping-pong. But you'd be wrong. It's never as embarrassing to bare your body as it is to bare your soul. Especially when your soul is so hopelessly narcissistic and immature and thinks it's like Fiona Apple. This was hard to watch. Not just for the viewer at home, but for Patrick WIlson's Joshua. You could absolutely see him withdraw any investment he had in Hannah as she rambled on about wanting to "feel all the feelings" and about how she was "too smart and too sensitive and too not crazy." I mean, cringe.
Allison Williams Tries to Cry On Camera
Oh, wow. I just think Marnie is the worst, so I'm pretty biased against her. And so I was kind of delighted in the schadenfreude of seeing her in that awful plastic dress at Booth Jonathan's awful party. Plus, discovering that you have a whole different conception of what kind of relationship you're in than the other person in the relationship does must be terrible. That said, the way Allison Williams cries took me completely out of the scene and the delight that I was feeling because she is a really bad on-screen crier. Distractingly bad. It was awful. It even distracted me from Jorma Taccone's terrible crying. Not good.
Yeah, there was too much horrible stuff in the episode where Hannah and Jessa go to visit Jessa's father and stepmother to blame it on anything other than just being upstate. Clearly, if you live upstate you start eating rabbits and doing Whippits and having sex with teenagers in turtlenecks and you get UTIs. It's terrible. The lesson is, never leave Brooklyn. That is definitely the lesson.
The Physical Torment of Hannah Horvath
In the penultimate episode, we were forced to watch as Hannah underwent trial after trial, starting with the picking of a pretty intense wedgie, progressing to an ass splinter, and peaking with a pierced eardrum. I mean, I can't help but shudder thinking about it now. That ass splinter went deep. Ouch.
Little Brown Babies
And this was maybe the worst moment of Girls for me. The moment when Marnie declared to Charlie that "eventually I want to have your little brown babies." HOW WAS THIS AN OK THING FOR HER TO SAY? Ugh. And the worst part? Charlie eats it up. So they deserve each other. They deserve each other and I cringe at home.
And that's that. Now I can look forward to Game of Thrones where NOTHING makes me cringe, not even the eating of a horse heart. I live for that stuff. Winter's coming. I can't wait.
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen