So, it's officially happening. We've arrived. The VMA's are coming to Brooklyn. And not just any VMA's! This summer's ceremony at the Barclays Center will mark the 30th anniversary of the Most Important Awards Show of Our Time. For Brooklyn, MTV, and the growing list of things that make you feel just a little bit weird and old, this is a milestone.
But how's it gonna go down, you ask? Well, it's tough to say. But based on a statement from the Barclays Center CEO that "Brooklyn has become an international brand and is the perfect setting for these moments," there'll definitely be a running Brooklyn theme to the whole thing. This could play out in a lot of different ways, sure, but as of now, there are exactly 5 things we know to be true.
Nobody's talked about it too recently, but as far as we know, Brooklyn's proudest son is still banned from the VMA's for tossing around "misogynistic sex stories and profane rhymes" at 1989's ceremony. It's not that he didn't deserve it, really, but now seems like as appropriate a time as any for a triumphant, apologetic return to the public eye. In a bit of unexpected fallout, catchphrase comedy will make a significant, if brief, cultural comeback.
Meat! Brooklyn! Aaaah! Also, people still seem to really like making jokes about this dress. Just ride the wave.
And actually, this would be great. One might even argue near-impossible to mess up? Maybe not, but either way, MTV should absolutely do this.
Now, I don't know what, exactly. Maybe the heroic return of Fartman? Maybe somebody will march a giant crowd of people over the bridge (think Eminem and his army of... Eminems at Radio City)? Whatever the actual use, there's no way someone won't re-purpose the bridge as an enormous, expensive set piece.
Sure, we'll get a lot of (presumably positive) national attention and Bloomberg is touting the event as a job-creating "boost to our local economy," but whatever their chosen reasons — parking problems, temporarily crowded local bars, general dislike of youth culture, whatever — plenty of people are going to be pissed about this. Expect many, many blog posts to come.
Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.