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North of the Wall, we come across Mance and the rest of the wildlings. They happened upon a pretty bloody scene. There's a lot of dead horses. "Always the artists," says Mance and the camera rises up, so that we can see how all the dismembered horses have been arranged in a concentric pattern on the snow. It looks kind of like the cave paintings at Lascaux. Anyway, Mance realizes that if the horses are all dead, the Night's Watch must be decimated and weak. Mance sends Tormund and a bunch of other wildlings, including Jon, to the Wall to climb it and attack Castle Black. Seems like war is coming to the North as well.
And about the Night's Watch. They are indeed pretty bedraggled. Mormont and the remainder of the Night's Watch arrive at Craster's Keep. He doesn't want to let them in, but feels like they might kill him if he doesn't. That'd be enough to convince me too. The Night's Watchmen eat, but the wailing of a woman giving birth is a bit distracting. Craster doesn't seem to care though and instead jokes about eating Sam, which, bad form, Craster. Sam walks out and finds out that it's Gilly giving birth. It's a boy. And we all know what that means—death by white walker. So that's not good.
Meanwhile, Theon is being helped by the servant boy who claims to be an emissary of Yara, Theon's sister. He gets Theon a horse and advises him to ride east. Before leaving, Theon promises to give the boy a title in the Iron Islands, but talk about a shitty gift. No one cares about the Iron Islands, Theon! Get a clue. You should've stuck with the Starks.
Also leaving a castle is Melisandre. She is departing from Dragonstone to go on a sea voyage to an undisclosed location and Stannis doesn't want her to leave. He claims to doubt her loyalty, but really he just feels powerless and wants to make another smoke baby with her. Alas, Melisandre tells him that "his fire is low" which means he can't get it up enough to spawn another demon, and so she's off to find more royal blood aka get fucked by a dude whose fire is sky-high.
As bad as Westeros is, Astapor seems maybe even worse? The streets are lined with crucified slaves. That's pretty bad! It's so bad that even when Dany tries to help a dying man, he's all, "Let me die, lady." Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan are fighting over whether or not Dany should buy the Unsullied for her slave army. Ser Jorah is pro and Ser Barristan is con. Ser Barristan tells her that her brother, Rhaegar, would never have bought slaves. He tells her that Rhaegar, also called The Last Dragon, had people who loved him fight for him and that Rhaegar was the finest man Ser Barristan ever knew.
Dany tells him, "I wish I had known him too, but he was not the last dragon." She's the greatest.
Daenerys wants to buy all the Unsullied. There's some more inaccurate translating going on because the evil slave trader, Kraznys, is, well, a dickhead. He claims that Dany only can buy a couple hundred of the Unsullied, not all 8,000. Daenerys says she will give up one of her dragons. This...seems like a bad idea? Evidently, Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan think so too because they tell her she's making a mistake in front of everyone else. Nevertheless, she insists and also has Kraznys throw in the slave girl who translates for him. Then, Dany stalks out and yells at Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan for contradicting her in public. She's totally right about that.
Dany talks to the slave girl, Missandei, and asks if she has any family. When she finds out Missandei does not, she asks if the girl would like to stay with her. Dany warns her that they will be going to war and that men die and are hurt and suffer in war. But then Dany says this, "All men must die, but we are not men." And you know she is going to kick some ass. Daenerys is not a man. She is not even a woman. She is a dragon. Roar.