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And, up north, the Wall is falling. This does not look good. Whole sheets of ice are sheared from the cliff's face and it's imposible for Jon and Ygritte to hang on. They fall from the wall but are still attached by ropes to Thormund Giantsbane and Orrell, the Warg. So, that'd be good except that Orell cuts the rope free. Luckily, Jon manages to stick his spikes into the wall and when Ygritte falls he pulls her up. This was a relief because I worried we were gonna go all "Cliffhanger" for a second there. Now, though, Jon knows for sure that the Warg wants them to die. Yikes.
Sansa and Loras, both unaware of their terrible fates, are making terrible small talk. Sansa likes the rose pin Loras is wearing. Loras says it's a broach. Blah blah blah, these two are so boring they deserve each other. Tyrion, and even Cersei, are so much more interesting. Then Loras talks about dresses and weddings because-GET IT???—he's gay. Ugh.
From a not-too-far-away balcony, Tyrion and Cersei talk. Tyrion asks, "I don't suppose there's anything to do about this?"
"We can have them both killed," says Cersei. But she says it quietly. You know when Cersei isn't excited about killing people that she's depressed.
The two talk some more and we learn that it wasn't Cersei who ordered Tyrion killed during the Battle of Blackwater, it was Joffrey, that little piece of shit. They both agree Joffrey is an idiot, but, really, compared to what we find out later, idiot is about the nicest thing anyone could call that little piece of shit.
Tyrion goes to tell Sansa that he is to wed her, but finds Shae there with his bride-to-be. He simply says, "This...this is awkward." And he is right.
In the throne room, Littlefinger sits, his eyes fixed on the iron monstrosity. Varys enters and mentions how the throne is made of 1,000 swords of Aegon's fallen enemies.
Littlefinger replies, "There aren't a thousand blades. There aren't even two hundred."
Which, THANK YOU. That never looked anywhere near one thousand blades and it always bugged me. So, I'm glad Littlefinger said that. However, that will be the only good feeling I ever have toward anything Littlefinger does EVER AGAIN. Because Littlefinger is letting Varys know that he is aware that Ros passed on information to the Spider and, oh, shit. What did Littlefinger do to Ros??? Noooooooo. NoooOOOOoooo. Ugh. I don't think I want to know? Shit.
Varys tries to tell Littlefinger, "I did what I did for the good of the realm."
Littlefinger gets his best voice on, the one that causes chills to run up and down my spine and says, "The realm, do you know what the realm is? It's the thousand blades of Aegon's enemies. A story we agreed to tell each other over and over until we forget it's a lie."
"But what do we have left once we abandon the lie?" Varys asks. He then does that annoying thing where he answers his own question. "Chaos. A gaping pit waiting to swallow us all."
Littlefinger's voice gets even more chilling, "Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. Some are given a chance to climb but they refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love, illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is."
It is during this little speech that we see Sansa cry and look off into the sea, at a ship with Littlefinger's sigil on it. Clearly she is thinking about running away with him. Which, fuck. Just fuck. But also? We see that little piece of shit Joffrey. He's been trying out his new crossbow. He's been trying it out on Ros, who he has tied up like a prize on his bed. Nooooooo. Oh, Ros. Her climb is over.
Speaking of climbing, though, Ygritte and Jon Snow made it to the top of the Wall. The clouds have parted. They can see for miles and miles and miles. They look over the land they came from. North of the Wall, everything is covered in snow and ice and it is beautiful and blinding and white. It is all Ygritte has ever seen. Jon offers his hand to her so that he can show her the other side, where everything is beautiful and lush and green. They hold each other and they kiss on the top of the world. Everything, for just that moment and for just those two people, is perfect. Can the story just end here maybe? Can it just end with them up there? It can't. We know it can't and they know it can't. After all, if Littlefinger is right, and the climb is all there is, then Jon and Ygritte are living on borrowed time. Tragedy looms. If you think there's going to be a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.