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So, weddings are kind of the worst, aren't they? Yes. That is clearly what this show is trying to teach us. Anyway, over at the Twins, there is fighting outside the castle. It doesn't feel like the most auspicious night for a wedding. Inside, it feels even more grim. Edmure Tully waits at the alter as Walder Frey walks a veiled woman down the aisle. Oh, look! It's Roose Bolton. Hey, Roose Bolton, how're you? He and Walder Frey exchange a look. It is a creepy, creepy look. Frey and his daughter reach the alter where Edmure waits nervously. Which hideous Frey girl does Edmure have? Oh, well, actually, she's actually quite lovely! Edmure is pleased. Pretty girls make everything better, I guess is the lesson here. Maybe everyone will live happily ever after? Maybe.
The Frey castle is rocking with wedding fun. Yay. Talisa is laughing, and even Robb seems a bit less dour than usual. Catelyn is giggling. Yes. Giggling. All is well. Roose Bolton sits next to Catelyn and her uncle Brynden. Bolton is not drinking because it "dulls the senses," which, Brynden Tully points out, is kind of the point. Bolton also confirms that he is married to one of Frey's granddaughter's because Frey told Bolton that he would give the girl's weight in silver, and so now Bolton "has a fat young bride." Catelyn does not look amused, mostly because it is not amusing. The Blackfish goes to piss, which is also a side effect of drinking—and one that is, in this case, a fortuitous side effect.
And so, the time has come for the bedding of the bride and groom, when the girl gets carried off by men, and the man by women (Edmure charmingly tells the Frey girls who carry him off, pulling at his clothes, that "once you set the monster free, there's no caging him again," which, eewwwww) and they go off to have sex. Festive!
Talisa doesn't think it's so festive. Being normal, she just thinks the whole thing is bizarre. Robb, though, says that it's tradition and is the only way to prove that a marriage has been consummated. Talisa points out that there are other ways, and places Robb's hand on her stomach, telling him, "If it's a boy, I know what we should name him...Eddard. Don't you want to teach little Ned Stark how to ride horses?"
Robb is emotional as he says, "I do."
And they kiss. It's a moment of sweetness and bliss.
Even Catelyn looks charmed as she smiles upon them. Then a Frey man walks between her and Robb and Talisa, which is a nice bit of staging, actually. But where is this Frey man heading? Well, he walks to the door and barricades it. Suddenly, the band plays "The Rains of Castamere." If your blood didn't stand still at the opening notes then I don't know what's wrong with you. Catelyn's blood stands still. Catelyn knows. We all know. Even Robb's direwolf, caged outside, knows and starts whimpering. It's at this moment that Arya and the Hound come riding in and are stopped by the gate. They're told that the feast is over. Arya disappears.
Inside, Walder Frey announces that he feels like he owes his king a wedding gift. The band plays on. Catelyn looks down at Roose Bolton's arm and notices that he's wearing armor. She cries out, "Robb!" and just then one of the Frey men rushes over to Talisa and stabs her repeatedly in the stomach. It couldn't be more awful. Oh, wait. Yes, it could. Robb starts to go to her but is immediately shot by a dozen arrows. And all the Stark bannermen are set upon by the Freys and Boltons and are massacred. Even Catelyn falls from an arrow to her shoulder. Frey looks on, drinking, and being fucking perfectly evil.
Meanwhile, Arya has sneaked inside the castle, just in time to see Stark men massacred by Frey men. She hears Grey Wind and wants to rescue him but can't even get to his cage before he is killed by Frey men with crossbows, just as Robb was. We see Grey Wind blink his last as he lays on the ground. Arya goes to rush inside but luckily the Hound finds her and hits her on the head so that he can carry her off. He tells her, "It's too late." It's heart-breaking.
Inside, Catelyn crawls across the floor. Robb, despite being stuck through with arrows, is somehow not dead and goes to his wife. Frey watches as if it's theatre, because he's a monster. Talisa is already dead, her stomach a bloody mess, her face gray and empty. But Robb is still alive. Catelyn sees this and grabs Frey's young wife, who has been cowering in fear under a table the whole time. Catelyn holds a knife to the girl's neck, and begs Frey for Robb's life, saying that if Frey lets Robb go, Catelyn will take no vengeance. I'm not sure she gets how completely she has already lost and that Walder Frey is not really a man who can be bargained with. I'm also not sure that Catelyn understands that threatening Frey's wife means nothing, because Frey doesn't even hesitate before telling Catelyn, "I'll find another."
Robb stands up next to his dead wife, and looks at Catelyn, saying, "Mother."
Roose Bolton rushes over, stabs Robb through the heart and says, "The Lannister's send their regards."
The scream Catelyn unleashes then—the gutteral, painful cry—reverberates in the room as she slits Frey's wife's throat. Then Catelyn's own throat is slit, blood raining down everywhere, and the silence is as deafening as her cry was just one moment before. No music accompanies the credits, but none is needed. If you don't hear "The Rains of Castamere" in your head right now, you weren't paying attention.
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