Sex

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your 2009 Bad Sex in Fiction Shortlistees

Posted by Mark Asch on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 at 12:59 PM

The god Pan looking on from a distance with his spying, lascivious gaze.
  • The god Pan looking on from a distance with his spying, lascivious gaze.
London's Literary Review has announced the shortlist for this year's Bad Sex in Fiction Award. Philip Roth, who following the death of John Updike must now surely be America's most hopelessly priapic writer, is on the list, for his new novel The Humbling, in which a blocked actor begins an affair with a dildo-wielding lesbian.

The rest of the shortlist:

Paul Theroux, A Dead Hand
Nick Cave, The Death of Bunny Munro
Philip Roth, The Humbling
Jonathan Littell, The Kindly Ones
Amos Oz, Rhyming Life and Death
John Banville, The Infinities
Anthony Quinn, The Rescue Man
Simon Van Booy, Love Begins in Winter
Sanjida O'Connell, The Naked Name of Love
Richard Milward, Ten Storey Love Song

Some hot girl-on-girl action with Philip Roth, after the jump...

Continue reading »

Tags: , ,

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Spanish Government Teaches Teenagers How to Masturbate

Posted by Jonny Diamond on Thu, Nov 12, 2009 at 3:27 PM

Spanking the monkey
In the "why didn't I have this when I was young" department, the socialist government of Extremadura (in Spain) has begun a campaign for 14- to 17-year-olds to help them out with their masturbation techniques. The campaign's slogan? "Pleasure Is In Your Hands." According to the Guardian:

The campaign includes leaflets, flyers, a "fanzine" and workshops for the young in which they receive instruction on self-pleasuring techniques along with advice on contraception and self-respect.

Yes, a masturbation 'zine. A government-printed masturbation 'zine. Again, I really could've used help like this back when I was first discovering my sexuality... Christ, that last year of college was tough.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Friday, October 16, 2009

Who Gets Off On Cartoon Porn?

Posted by Henry Stewart on Fri, Oct 16, 2009 at 2:06 PM

Marge Playboy Cover
Last week, Playboy announced that its November issue would feature a Marge Simpson spread; the cartoon mother-of-three also adorns its cover and submits to an interview, available online, along with a slideshow of the Julie Kavner-voiced character with her privates discretely obscured. The artwork, according to the signature, is by Matt Groening himself.

So, cartoon nudity has gone mainstream. But your favorite cartoon characters have already appeared naked on the web—and been involved in much more hardcore shit than you’d find in any tasteful Playboy spread.

Continue reading »

Tags: , , , , ,

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

"Well, I was going to have sex with you while my roommate tries to get some sleep, but since it's against the rules..."

Posted by Mark Asch on Tue, Sep 29, 2009 at 4:52 PM

notnowimfucking.jpg
The Times reports: An adjustment to the Tufts University office of residential life's guest policy now stipulates that students are now "prohibit[ed from engaging in] any sex act in a dorm room while one's roommate is present", though presumably if all parties are "totally into" the voyeur thing then the rule may be disregarded.

Certain people who were my roommate freshman year are advised to note that a) handjobs presumably fall under the category of "any sex act", and b) "appears to be asleep" presumably falls under the category of "present".

Having sex on your roommate's bed when your roommate is not around, and then accidentally revealing as much to them about during a particularly heated Never Have I Ever game three semesters later, however, is still allowed. The L has also learned that certain members of the Tufts RLO are pushing to amend the regulation, designating the bathroom as a special "self-love free-fire zone", provided that the door is kept shut and, if the bathroom shares a wall with the bedroom, the faucet is kept running.

Tags: , ,

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Bijou: The Missing Link between Kenneth Anger and David Lynch?

Posted by Michael Joshua Rowin on Tue, Sep 1, 2009 at 10:49 AM

bijou.JPG
New York City, the early 70s. A mustachioed construction worker, a fur-shrouded woman, and a man in an automobile collide at an intersection near Lincoln Center. Actually, the woman and the man in the car are the ones who physically collide, but the construction worker's the one whose life will change forever. Pocketing the woman's purse as she lays dying on the concrete, the worker brings it back to his modest apartment where he discovers the only item of any interest, an exclusive invitation to a mysterious club called Bijou. Soon the man masturbates. And masturbates some more in the shower. He might be straight-there are posters of naked women strewn throughout his dwellings-but his extended play with the dead woman's lipstick and the erotically charged, zoom-happy movements of the camera toward and away from the well-endowed, self-loving blonde suggest something else entirely.

Continue reading »

Tags: , , , ,

Friday, August 21, 2009

Recycling Your Worn Out Sex Toys

Posted by Benjamin Sutton on Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 11:51 AM

recycling sex toys
More so than newspapers, plastic bottles, jars and cans (the things we usually think of recycling), sex toys are made of some really expensive materials, ones that it would be a shame to simply send to the dump. Instead, send them to the Sex Toy Recycling Program, a project launched last winter by Dreamscapes, a Florida-based company whose other main venture is an online sex toy store. For every package you send them you'll received a $10 gift certificate towards a new sex toy at one of their affiliate retailers, and they'll make sure your old toys are disposed of appropriately:

After undergoing a thorough cleaning, toys are inspected and sorted according to their material. The rubber, silicone, hard plastics, metal, e-waste and motors will be sent to recycling facilities that process the materials for reuse. Did you leave the batteries in? Don’t worry, we dispose of them responsibly.

Click here for more information and the Sex Toy Recycling Program's mailing address.

(via Consumerist)

Tags: , , , ,

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

In Which We Force an Intern to Have a Nervous Breakdown

Posted by Jon Blistein on Wed, Jul 29, 2009 at 5:11 PM

Rorschach, Watchmen

Today, the New York Times published an article on the ongoing debate regarding the posting of the ten original Rorschach inkblots and their most common answers on Wikipedia. Apparently a bunch of psychiatrists still depend on these images and say posting them is like creating a cheat sheet for patients; on the other hand, the images, published about 90 years ago, are no longer copyrighted and the free-information nerds over at Wikipedia think its ludicrous that they be taken down. But that's all boring logistical stuff. So, as an eager intern, desperate to get a byline wherever I can, I've decided to take a look at the ten Rorschach inkblots and see if I can muster up any suppressed childhood traumas and/or have a psychological breakdown in front of everyone else in the office. Enjoy!

Continue reading »

Tags: , , , , , ,

Friday, July 24, 2009

Liveblogging the Silvio Berlusconi Sex Tapes

Posted by Mark Asch on Fri, Jul 24, 2009 at 1:35 PM

Silvio BerlusconiSo, Italian emperor Silvio Berlusconi has been besieged by scandal of late, with the Italian opposition paper and magazine La Repubblica and L'Espresso releasing tapes of audio recordings made by Patrizia D'Addario, a paid escort (paid by a business and political ally of Berlusconi, apparently) who had lots of sex with Italy's famed orange-tinged Just for Men ad-turned-oligarch. Because journalists are the sacred keepers of the public trust, I'm going to listen to the Silvio Berlusconi sex tapes, and live-blog them.

Continue reading »

Tags: , , , , ,

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sex Education Under Obama: A Survey

Posted by Mark Asch on Tue, Jul 21, 2009 at 3:47 PM

promise_ring.jpg
Yesterday we all had a good chortle about teen pregnancy and STD rates climbing during the Bush-administration's eight years of abstinence-only sex ed. But then we thought: well, now this is our guy's problem. So, what is the Obama administration doing about sex ed in America?

For once, the news is genuinely encouraging.

Continue reading »

Tags: , ,

Happy 50th Anniversary of the Lifting of the Lady Chatterley Ban!

Posted by Mark Asch on Tue, Jul 21, 2009 at 1:53 PM

8bb0/1248192162-wolcott-0908-01.jpgSexytimes are here again! Writing for the Times, Slate columnist Fred Kaplan, who has a new book out on 1959 and is pretty much cleaning up the golden anniversary remembrances racket, marks 50 years to the day since the US District Court ruled that Grove Press had the right to publish Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D.H. Lawrence, a book that had previously been banned under obscenity law.

Defending the book, the lawyer Charles Rembar successfully argued that to be qualified as smut it must be utterly without redeeming social importance. And then everybody bought the book.

Sexual intercourse began shortly thereafter.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Monday, July 20, 2009

BREAKING: Abstinence-Only Sex Ed Doesn't Work, Huh, Who Knew?

Posted by Mark Asch on Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 4:38 PM

b860/1248121952-amurca.jpgGuess what? "Years of falling rates of teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted disease infections under previous administrations were reversed or stalled in the Bush years."

Scoop of the century, guys.

A Centers for Disease Control report goes on to say, the Guardian reports...

Continue reading »

Tags: , , ,

Monday, July 6, 2009

Recession Alert: Missed Connections Goes Way Offline

Posted by Jonny Diamond on Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 3:33 PM

1630/1246902886-ac-slater.gif It had to happen eventually. The penny in the fountain feeling of posting a missed connection to Craigslist might have given people the nice illusion of proactivity (and has made for great reading), but it just hasn't been getting results. The best way to track down that person you want to make sex with? Put up a poster of Christian Slater around the neighborhood, with the following text:


"You were my fireworks on the 4th of July and you changed the way I will hear church bells forever! If this finds you please find me since I am a total moron and didn’t give you my number or get yours and I would love to see you again."

Real-world, non-virtual creativity at work! (And no, A.C. Slater will not work.)

Tags: , , ,

Get Your Reps: The Wayward Cloud

Posted by Andrew Schenker on Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 8:34 AM

d3cf/1246560334-thewaywardcloud.jpgAccording to the blurb from the Guardian on my DVD of The Wayward Cloud, Tsai Ming-Liang's 2005 film (which screens at MOMA tonight ) consists of "high comedy, high-camp musical numbers and a vast amount of hardcore porn," a description that rather misses the point entirely. Setting aside the fact that this list makes the work sound like an adults-only variety show and the fact the film's "comedy" is dry to the point of being almost indiscernible and eventually disappears from the picture entirely, there's the more pressing matter of the misapprehension of Tsai's treatment of pornography (i.e., it's not simply presented for the viewer's titillation), an understanding of which is central to an appreciation of the film.

Continue reading »

Tags: , , ,

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

We Are Suing Our Website For Sexual Harassment

Posted by Mike Conklin on Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 5:38 PM

3542/1246484206-wtf.jpgA reader and dear friend of The L Magazine just sent us this email, along with the image over there to the right.

I was just trying to comment on your goofy blog post about those headphones and had to sign up for an L commenting account— and LOOK AT THE WORD YOUR PERVERTED SYSTEM WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME TYPE.

CAN I *PLEASE* SEND THIS TO failblog.org!??!?!?!

I would say we're not proud of this, but really we are.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Sex Advice from a Goose: From Soft to Hardcore

Posted by Gary on Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 9:00 AM

Welcome to our biweekly feature in which I, Gary, The L's wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,
My friend claims her boyfriend (who has problems with erectile dysfunction) came even though he was soft. This goes against everything I understand about how penises work. Can that happen? Or did he just pee in her or something?


Well, it's possible, so it appears that there are limits to what you understand about how penises work. To rectify (heh) this and perhaps other gaps in your knowledge of how penises work, I recommend going to your local library and seeing if they have a copy of How Penises Work, by Dr. Richmond Fallis (if they don't have it your librarian may be able to arrange for an inter-library loan).


Continue reading »

Monday, March 23, 2009

Sex Advice from a Goose: "Price Check on Extra-Small Condoms?"

Posted by Gary on Mon, Mar 23, 2009 at 8:00 AM

Welcome to our biweekly feature in which I, Gary, The L's wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,
So I've been seeing this guy for the better part of three months. No complaints about the sex itself, however the rubbers he's been using (several types, all normal size) keep slipping off. Frankly, I'm not too happy about having to remember to slip my hand down to the scene of the crime while we're at it just to make sure his jammies are still on. I mean, it makes me seem paranoid for one thing, but it's also just unnerving. So my question is, have you ever heard of small (as opposed to regular or cucumber-sized) condoms? I realize condom makers might think that labeling their wares as "extra snug" might exacerbate the stigma of small dicks, but this is kind of a serious issue that I'd prefer solving with mild embarrassment at the drugstore over suddenly realizing I'm pregnant — or infected with something.


Dear madam, or sir, it is remarkably sensitive and judicious of you, how you make the issue the practical one of condom size and sexual difficulties, while deftly sidestepping mention of your partner's sad little Mike and Ike-sized dick. You seem like a real catch, is what I'm saying, so it's no surprise that your gentlemen friend is so afraid that you'll find out he has a small penis and leave him.


Continue reading »

Monday, March 9, 2009

Sex Advice from a Goose: Pills, Addicts

Posted by Gary on Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 9:00 AM

Welcome to our biweekly feature in which I, Gary, The L's wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,

Ok, psychological problem here.

My current girlfriend just got on the pill and wants me to come inside her. Before she was on the pill, I used to really love going without a condom, coming on her stomach, or putting on a condom to finish — not entirely safe, right? Ha. But now I freak out when we're together because it feels totally out of my control, and I'm worried about getting her pregnant. It's starting to affect our mutual pleasure a bit.

I think it's this: I've been with girls on the pill before, and they've told me it was still not smart to come inside them. They were adamant about pulling out or wearing a condom, giving me the impression that the pill was just sort of an added layer of protection.

How safe is it to be coming inside her? And if it is safe, is there anything I can do to calm myself down and enjoy it like I used to?

Thanks. And sorry if this is a dumb question — I went to Sex Ed in the South.


Did you also go to school in the South? Or did you just head down there for the Sex Ed? In any case, yes, it's safe, it's perfectly safe. To calm yourself down and enjoy it like you used to, I suggest that you confirm to your satisfaction that it's safe. Which it is. That should do it.

If that doesn't calm you down, well. The Pill, humanity's greatest invention, is more than 99% effective when used properly. But it may be that you are one of those worryworts who's forever destined to think "whatifwe'retheexception, whatifwe'retheexception, whatifwe'retheexception" to the rhythm of every thrust.


Continue reading »

Friday, February 20, 2009

Downtown New York Survival Guide: John Sexton vs. John Sex

Posted by Mark on Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 2:00 PM

unknown.jpg


Our Survival Guide is an occasional feature in which we helpfully delineate the differences between two people with different-sounding names. Today, in honor of the amusing earnest bougie NYU sit-in, we talk about NYU President John "J-Sex" Sexton, and late Pyramid Club superstar John Sex. Let's go to the tale of the tape!



Continue reading »

Monday, February 9, 2009

Sex Advice from a Goose: Toe Cramp, Brain Cramp

Posted by Gary on Mon, Feb 9, 2009 at 10:00 AM

Welcome to our biweekly feature in which I, Gary, The L's wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,
Sometimes when I'm about to have an orgasm, I get a really painful cramp in one or both feet, such that I have to stop what I'm doing and go "Ow, my foot!" and shake and/or rub it out, which pretty much ruins the moment for everyone involved. What could be causing this? Is there anything I can do to stop it? Should I just try to ignore it in the hopes that the orgasm will happen anyway and make me forget about the horrible, shooting pain in my foot?


Dear sir or madam (I genuinely do not no which! This is by far the most gender-neutral question I have ever answered!), as you can imagine I have never, in my many years of lovemaking, encountered such a problem. Because I am a goose. Because I have webbed feet. Also I am made out of wood, and not real.

Anyhoo, I dunno. If I had to guess I would say that this pre-orgasm cramp is god's way of reminding you that if He wanted you to enjoy sex, He would have made it more like Parcheesi.

Recent Comments

Most Commented On

Most Emailed Stories

Top Viewed Stories

© 2009