Friday, February 7, 2014

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: Lacy Says Goodbye

Posted By on Fri, Feb 7, 2014 at 1:20 PM

human heart
There are very few times when I discuss my romantic entanglements with my mother. Though she is an open-minded and let's say (for the sake of propriety) “vivacious” lady, she is still a woman who believes that Fifty Shades of Gray was either about race politics or wallpaper. However, a few weeks ago, she called and I couldn't hold back from sharing some of my neurotic concerns about a one-night stand that had seemed like it had a lot of relationship potential before fizzling out into nothing. (Rest assured, I didn't mention that it was just a night of sex. I simply said it was a “date.”) In the middle of my rant about what I thought had gone wrong between us and that maybe he just hadn't called because his mother died, she stopped me and said, “Oh for heaven's sake, Lacy. You analyze everything to death. Including sex! Why can't you just lie back and enjoy it?”
There it was, the best sex advice I've gotten in years, from the woman to whom I should have been listening all my life: my mother.

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Friday, January 17, 2014

Sex, Love and Brooklyn: Lacy Does Los Angeles

Posted By on Fri, Jan 17, 2014 at 10:11 AM


I've been out of New York for the past three weeks. First, because of the holidays, I made the requisite trip home to Jacksonville. Needless to say, I was ready to leave when my week with my family was up. I was really looking forward to going to LA for New Year's Eve, which also turned out to be where shit would get a little crazy.

When I finally got back to Brooklyn, I immediately made plans to catch up with friends at a bar. As it turned out, all my ladies had their own holiday gossip to share. One friend told me about going back home and having a tryst with her neighbor. He was her “boy next door,” the guy she had grown up with all her life.

She said, “The thing is, we really connected and spent so much time together, that I felt sad coming back to New York. So, I sort of prepared myself for the usual cycle of lovesickness, you know, feeling sad, then hopeful, then anxious, and ultimately trying to get myself to move on from this dude. But then all of a sudden, I thought, why do I have to do this? I had an amazing time with this man. Can't I just leave it at that, and be happy?”

While she was telling me this, all I could think was “Yes, Yes, Yes.” I was experiencing the same thing.

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Monday, December 23, 2013

Sex, Love and Brooklyn: Some People Should Never Have Sex (With Each Other)

Posted By on Mon, Dec 23, 2013 at 1:15 PM


A 27-year-old friend of mine just lost her virginity.

She told me that before she lost it, when people found out she had still been a virgin at her age they were shocked and wanted to know why. Then when she explained her reasons and they realized her answers weren't that provocative, their eyes glazed over and they lost interest pretty quickly. She was a late-in-life-virgin because she was a late bloomer to begin with, someone not ready or comfortable enough with herself to have sex until after college. Unfortunately by that time she felt so far left behind she couldn't catch up. Until a few weeks ago, that is.

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Monday, December 16, 2013

Sex, Love, And Brooklyn: All Backed Up With No Place To Go

Posted By on Mon, Dec 16, 2013 at 2:48 PM


It was 3am and I was sitting in the stall furthest from the door in a communal summer-camp bathroom. I was practicing a deep yogic breathing exercise and praying to God that this time I would be able to take a shit. I was twenty nine-years-old and it had been exactly twenty four-hours since I had last unloaded, and I had a deep knot of dread that I wouldn't be able to poop for the rest of this “vacation.” I made a promise to myself then and there that if I ever got married, I would demand that the first thing on my registry be a colon cleanse.

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Monday, December 2, 2013

Sex, Love and Brooklyn: Lacy Does a Bad, Bad Thing

Posted By on Mon, Dec 2, 2013 at 12:28 PM


I like to do very bad things, and I like to do them with very bad boys.

Well, at least that's one way to romanticize my latest bout of hedonistic behavior. By blaming it all on my inner “wild woman,” I know that I'm essentially letting myself off the hook, when in reality what I've done is really, really bad.

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Monday, November 25, 2013

Sex, Love and Brooklyn: One Full-Body Orgasm, Please!

Posted By on Mon, Nov 25, 2013 at 1:58 PM


You know what I love? I love a really awkward moviegoing experience. My first cringe-worthy occurrence was accidentally seeing The Piano Teacher with my father when I was sixteen. For those of you unfamiliar with it, I will say it is still the most graphic and disturbing movie I have ever seen—there is a scene with dirty Kleenexes and a porno booth—and that's all I'm going to say. Well, one more thing, you should also be warned, there is genital mutilation. Just as the movie started, my dad turned to me and said, “You didn't tell me this was gonna be in French.”

It was all downhill from there.

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Monday, November 11, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: To Sext or Not to Sext a Guy with a Girlfriend

Posted By on Mon, Nov 11, 2013 at 11:30 AM


After seven years in New York, I finally had a romantic dalliance with a bartender. I know, I could I have made it through almost all of my twenties without having mixed it up with the most ubiquitous of romantic animals in this urban jungle? The answer? I don't know! Most of the time I'm in bars I guess I'm there with a date, or wind up meeting one of my fellow patrons. No matter the reason, I've never done a bartender—that is until last Sunday night. Except, ok. You caught me. We didn't even have sex! So now you're wondering, well, then, what did we do? Well, hang on to your hats...

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Brooklyn Entrepreneurs are "Talking Transition" Tomorrow Night on Canal Street

Posted By on Fri, Nov 8, 2013 at 4:46 PM


With the announcement of Brooklyn's own Bill DeBlasio as the new mayor, business leaders throughout the borough are wondering how their offices will be affected by the city's new government. With Brooklyn already established as one of the country's fastest-growing entrepreneurial hubs, Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce is starting the discussion with a meeting of Brooklyn's foremost business minds.

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Monday, November 4, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: Help! I Hoard My Relationship Mementos!

Posted By on Mon, Nov 4, 2013 at 10:00 AM


My best friend just flew into town for a week-long layover on her way home from her own version of an Eat Pray Love-trip around the world. We've been calling her international adventure the, “Oh-shit-I'm-almost-thirty-travelogue-for-late-bloomers-in-the-midst-of-an-identity-crisis.” I mean that with no judgements! I'm about to pack it all in to search for some much needed clarity in Marfa, Texas. That trip isn't for another couple of months though, and before I can get there and suround myself with turquoise, group meditations, and Marfa's mysterious “ghost lights,” I had a serious romantic problem to talk about—one that only a recently zenned-Out world traveler could help me with.

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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: The Hard Life of a Sex Columnist

Posted By on Tue, Oct 29, 2013 at 12:05 PM


The other night I was at a birthday party in Williamsburg. It was a great party. The DJ was amazing, playing all the right 90s dance jams. The alcohol flowed freely, and everyone was good looking with cool jobs. It was one of those perfect Brooklyn nights when you remember why you moved to this city in the first place. Before going into the party I went to a bodega to stock up on cheap beer and cigarettes. Standing in line was a cute hipster boy in the proverbial black horn-rimmed frames. He gave me the once over and a smile. I thought, “Yeah, New York. I got this.”

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Monday, October 21, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: I Might Just Give Up Sex

Posted By on Mon, Oct 21, 2013 at 10:45 AM


The other day I had a terrible audition. Though in no way would I still call myself an actress, sometimes a role will come along and I just can't say no to standing in line with 200 other girls who thought they could also be the next Audrey Tatou. Auditioning like this is a terrible habit, like biting your nails or smoking. In fact, auditioning has become its own form of cutting—something I do when I feel terrible about myself to make myself feel even worse.

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Monday, October 14, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: Magical Cougar or Evil, Sexy Baby?

Posted By on Mon, Oct 14, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Don Jon Joseph Gordon-Levitt Scarlet Johannsen

We need to talk about Don Jon. Well, at least I need to talk about this movie. Let me be clear, I don't want to review the movie. I just want to talk about the two leading ladies in the film, who are supposed to be on opposite ends of some kind of fictional female binary.

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Monday, October 7, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: A Guide to Talking Dirty

Posted By on Mon, Oct 7, 2013 at 10:00 AM


The two biggest relationships of my life both lasted for around 3 years, and also had in common the fact that they were mainly conducted long distance. Now, I'm not an idiot—I know that "coincidence" is worthy of some analysis. I'm self-aware enough to know that it probably has something to do with moving a lot as a child, and going to boarding school. I was raised long distance by my folks, so duh, of course, I would default to a long distance romantic love as well.

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Monday, September 30, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: Rebound Sex Is an Essential Part of Any Breakup

Posted By on Mon, Sep 30, 2013 at 10:45 AM


Does anyone remember when I said that maybe I had met someone?

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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

What is Orgasmic Meditation?

Posted By on Tue, Sep 24, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Sexy Yoga Posers. c/o
  • Sexy Yoga Posers. c/o

More things to to keep your eye on in our infant century: Orgasmic Meditation classes. NY Mag has a very, um, titillating story about one of their writers attending one of these eight-hour, $195 classes in the city. The company OneTaste touts Orgasmic Meditation as "yoga" for your orgasm—well, the female heterosexual orgasm, mainly, according to NY Mag.

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Monday, September 23, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: In Celebration of Casual Sex

Posted By on Mon, Sep 23, 2013 at 10:00 AM


Recently I went out for drinks with a woman I had just met at a party the week before. We didn't really know much about each other, but quickly developed a sassy rapport, and I knew we were kindred spirits.

At the bar, she turned to me and asked, “Have you ever heard of a seven-year-long booty call? Because I've been having casual sex with the same man for seven years. And this man...I don't know anyone better than I know him. I know exactly what he's thinking all the time. Doesn't mean I like it, but at least I know. This guy has picked me up off the bathroom floor when I was crying, and I've kicked him out of my apartment in nothing but his boxers, we know each other so well. But still I don't want to be his wife—I don't even want to be his girlfriend.”

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Monday, September 16, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: Is Break Up Sex the Best Sex of All?

Posted By on Mon, Sep 16, 2013 at 10:20 AM

Its really hard not to get laid when you have an American Apparel Halloween.
  • It's really hard not to get laid when you have an American Apparel Halloween.

The best sex I ever had was break up sex.

Technically, we had been broken up for three weeks. But he lived in London and begged me to wait until he got a break in his schedule and could come to New York so that we could do it face to face and not over Skype (the way I had originally planned). I agreed. I figured I owed him that much, and also myself for that matter. We had been together for three years and I was still wearing the ring he gave me—the ring he made me actually, with his own two hands.

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Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Sex, Love, Brooklyn: The Truth About Limp Dick (aka Whiskey Dick) Syndrome

Posted By on Tue, Sep 3, 2013 at 10:00 AM

Ron Burgundy does NOT have erectile dysfunction
  • Ron Burgundy does NOT have erectile dysfunction

It happens to everyone...and I mean EVERYONE. You know what I'm talking about—the dreaded, awkward and perhaps nightmare-inducing limp dick situation. It happened to me the first time I tried to have sex. My healthy 24-year-old boyfriend just couldn't quite get it up. We never talked about it, and for years I carried with me the fear that I was somehow inadequate.

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Monday, August 26, 2013

Sex, Love, and Brooklyn: How Not to Screw Up a First Date

Posted By on Mon, Aug 26, 2013 at 10:00 AM

How to make sure your love stays as true as Clarence and Alabamas.
  • How to make sure your love stays as true as Clarence and Alabama's.

I think I may have met someone.

Ok, hold onto your hat—we've only been on 3 dates. But they were pretty great dates! Nothing too exciting happened, we didn't go rock climbing, or cast each other's bodies in silicone, or swim with dolphins or anything else a dating show on MTV might have a new couple do. We just sat in some dark bars curled up in corners with bottles of red wine and chatted. After our first date I invited him up to my house for a night cap, stating simply that I also didn't have any alcohol. Then I did not sleep with him. (Congratulatory pat on the back). If you're wondering what we did do — I showed him my etchings and then packed him into a cab before the reasonable hour of 12:30.

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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Is It OK to Have Sex With...? or: Dr. Phil Is an Idiot on Twitter and In Life

Posted By on Wed, Aug 21, 2013 at 2:26 PM

No. It is never, EVER ok to have sex with Dr. Phil
  • No. It is never, EVER ok to have sex with Dr. Phil

Yesterday, noted mustache aficionado Dr. Phil posed the following question on Twitter: “If a girl is drunk, is it OK to have sex with her? Reply yes or no to @drphil #teensaccused.” Oh, Dr. Phil. What kind of crazy information did you have on Oprah to force her to unleash your stupidity on the entire world?

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