

It’s been nearly a month since the last new episode of 2 Broke Girls, and during the break, Max and Caroline have learned a lot. JK. They’ve learned absolutely nothing, and the show’s actually more terrible now that it’s ever been. In last night’s episode, “And the Blind Spot,” we were treated to an endless array of double entendre, pointless pop culture references, plots that went nowhere, a naked guy almost dying, Jennifer Coolidge making out with the naked guy who almost died, toilet jokes, and Earl talking about how he’s 75 years old and can’t wipe his ass anymore because he doesn’t have enough time, or something. Today’s edition has double the quotes for a doubly bad episode. How bad is doubly bad? 2 Broke Girls-bad.
Downton Abbey," as I wrote last year, shortly after its first season had concluded its run on PBS, "is a perfect mechanism of tension and release." The promise of consummation, emotional and otherwise, gives weight to the show's many ongoing deferred-gratification subplots; in the second season, now running on PBS, this is especially true of the romance between Matthew Crawley (Dan Stevens) and Lady Mary (Michelle Dockery).
But the show's writer Julian Fellowes has confounded expectations, and deferred consummation even further, not just by betrothing M&M to new supporting characters but by bringing Matthew home from the Great War paralyzed from the waist down. (Temporarily? Quite possibly, the whole show being such a tease, but let's skip that for now.)
So, by what mechanism might this star-crossed pair finally achieve their longed-for bliss? A number of films have taken on paraplegia as a subject matter, with varying degrees of sensitivity and credibility; this survey will restrict itself to those which have looked, however seriously, at the prospect of a sex life after lower spinal cord trauma. (If you've stumbled upon this page in search of actual helpful information about sex and paraplegia, you'll have better luck here.)
Sad news today: Don Cornelius, who created, produced, and hosted the influential dance show Soul Train, was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound at the age of 75 early this morning. According to Los Angeles Police Department, it appears to be suicide.

Last week, during the TCA press tour, 2 Broke Girls co-creator Michael Patrick King said some dumb things—basically, he’s a prick who believes that if you don’t find everything about his show funny, you’re wrong. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.
Anyways, last night was episode 14, an important number for a TV series because it’s the first episode in the show’s back-nine order. Most series get an original order of 13 episodes, and networks wait to see if it’s going to be a hit or a bomb—if it’s the former, nine more episodes; it it’s the latter, CANCELED. Over 12 million people are watching 2 Broke Girls every week (only three times as many as the Letters to Cleo-loving Parks and Recreation), so it got a full-season pick up. So, was anything different? NOPE. Never change, 2 Broke Girls. Never change.

“You think Occupy Wall Street was a big deal? Wait until you see Occupy Tampon.” It’s good to have you back, 2 Broke Girls. Last night’s episode, “And the Secret Ingredient,” was not only a structural mess—it began with Max and Caroline going to see Chestnut the Horse, then Han raising the price of tampons in the diner, then Caroline going coupon crazy, then back to the horse, or something—it was positively stuffed with bad jokes, most of them about menstruation.
Jimmy Fallon hosted Saturday Night Live's holiday episode this weekend, so we were bound to get a few more music-related skits than normal. I think it's only fair to say the faux commercial for Christmas Duets with Michael Bublé featured one of the best impersonations of Lady Gaga we've ever seen, while also offering strong contenders for Thom Yorke, Ke$ha, Bieber, M.I.A. and Kanye. Watch it above.
This also happened during the episode, of course. Tracy Morgan's hand dance was the best it ever was.
Judd Apatow serves as producer, so there's that. And Lena Dunham — she of indie-film Tiny Furniture fame — directs, stars as the central character, and declares, "I think that I may be the voice of my generation... or at least a voice of a generation," in the trailer, like an indie-darling triple threat. She also tweets, both on the show, and here in real-life, and does so superbly. You're probably going to like this show a bunch — it'll be like Sex and the City for those who make under $25k a year. (It's set to premiere on HBO in April.)
So! What is the plot, do you think, of SVU's Occupy Wall Street episode?


About half of “And the Reality Check,” last night's episode of 2 Broke Girls, is decent. But it’s not the half you saw on-screen: it occurred before the episode was shot, in the writer’s room, when someone pitched an episode based around Max and Caroline giving up Chestnut the Fucking Horse. It’s a sign of a show admitting that it made a mistake, and its now attempting to right its wrong. Because, really, a horse? Maybe if the writers get rid of Peach, Oleg and Han, and re-tool the show to be about a less crass Max and Caroline dealing with real-life problems, and not have them mingling with reality show crowds and the future star of All the Prettier Horses, 2 Broke Girls might actually become OK. Until then, we’ve got this...
Get More: Vampire Weekend, VH1 Pop Up Video
If MTV can revive Beavis and Butt-head and Nickelodeon can air reruns of Clarissa Explains It All and Doug, then VH1 is completely allowed to bring back Pop Up Video, which apparently they've done as of last month. Incorporating a little bit of an indie-rock twist — because indie is the new mainstream :( — videos for Vampire Weekend's "Holiday" and The White Stripes's "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself have gotten the bubbled trivia treatment. If these videos (above and below, respectively) are any indication, the show remains as irreverent/pointless/extremely entertaining as ever. Sleep better knowing that Vampire Weekend had lunch at In-N-Out Burger on the day of their video shoot and that Jack White totally approved of Kate Moss doing a pole dance in his video.
Back in the city where he belongs filming a run of shows this week at the Beacon Theatre, Conan has set out on a mission to do the most quintessential New York things. And so let's watch him deliver Chinese food to grumpy customers, make fun of hoity-toity L.A. pizza topped with crab and hazelnuts, and play streetball in the West Village. Tonight, for his final show before heading back to the West Coast, he reunites the 1982 Broadway cast of Cats. You know, just your basic New York things. Conan, we miss you.

Today, I am moving from Greenpoint to Ditmas Park, and I’m feeling kind of sad. Ditmas Park is Bored to Death territory—Greenpoint and Williamsburg are where the real action’s at, obviously, and I’m afraid that 2 Broke Girls will start throwing in references to goings-on near the L that I just won’t understand anymore. When hip new bands like The Black Kids and foods like cupcakes are all the rage on Bedford Avenue, will that translate over to Cortelyou Road? Only time will tell.

It’s unfair to judge a new sitcom by its first few episodes. Comedies need to evolve and let us get to know and understand the characters, and sometimes that takes awhile, like six episodes, which is how long 2 Broke Girls has been on the air. I was optimistic that beneath the show’s stale premise and rape jokes there was something there, something worth watching. But now that we’ve spent over two hours with Max and Caroline, not to mention Oleg and Han and that douche bartender and that other guy, something’s clear: 2 Broke Girls will never be more than a stale premise and rape jokes. I don’t mind, though, because if this show inexplicably got to be good, then what would we have to make fun of? Below, the five shittiest parts from this week's episode.

Last night’s episode had a 2 Broke Girls first: I laughed out loud at a joke. I totally forgot what the line was about five minutes later, but hey, progress! Luckily, though, the show had plenty of quotes just begging to be mocked. I heard the word “hipsters” so many times during the episode that it’s lost any hint of meaning it still had left.

And we’re back for another week of terribly terrible one-liners from 2 Broke Girls the only show that manages to fit multiple rape jokes into 22 minutes! *Laugh track goes crazy* What’s on the proverbial menu for this week? Well, there’s Hitler, women getting their periods, and more outdated music references! Our five favorites, below.

We’re back for another week of horse-poop jokes, hipster riffing, and lame Arcade Fire references, all thanks to 2 Broke Girls, the only show on TV not afraid to "tell it like it is." Below are the most ridiculous quotes and clunkers, some of them Brooklyn-centric, from episodes two (last week) and three (last night), and we’ll be back every Tuesday morning with a recap of the best double entendres Michael Patrick King and Whitney Cummings, or King Cummings for short (it’s like a 2 Broke Girls joke!), can dream up of.
Remember last month when the producers from Magical Elves—responsible for Bravo's The Work of Art—sent out a casting call for the sixth and final case member in their next art world reality TV show Paint the Town, about twentysomething women working at popular New York City galleries? Well, you can stop waiting to get a call-back; the casting is done, and the series has begun filming at End of Century's forthcoming new Lower East Side location.
A look, if you will: