Every year we are faced with the awkward task of assembling a random list of gifts. Look, we're not going to tell you what to get for your nearest and dearest—if you can't figure out what to give to the people you love, the following list is not for you. HOWEVER... This is a list for all the people you don't really know but somehow end up having to gift: the office secret Santa, the in-law who's hosting you for a night, your sister's new boyfriend (you don't want him to feel left out), the new town sheriff, President Barack Obama... the list is endless.
Ring Bottle Opener
$7, Exit 9
Everybody we know is an alcoholic, so we assume the same is true of everyone we don't know. Which makes the ring bottle opener the perfect gift for anybody: it's a ring that opens bottles!
$9.95, MOMA Design Store
Ok, so maybe everybody (outside of media offices) isn't a problem drinker, but everybody has a drunk on their list—and who carelessly puts down drinks and forgets which is theirs more often than them? Luckily, Eric Janssen designed these small, colorful, non-toxic foam rings so you can mark your glass. Just because they're blind drunk doesn't mean they're color-blind.
Wine Glass Lampshades
$15, MOMA Design Store
Oh, that drunk in your life entered AA? Be supportive with these mini-lampshades. Sized to fit any wine glass, they (and a votive candle) turn an artifact of alcoholism into a medium of romantic mood lighting, setting the perfect atmosphere for sharing a fall-off-the-wagon glass of red wine.
Gin & Titonic Ice Cubes Tray $9, The Conran Shop
It seems like every company makes ice cube trays in all manner of cute and funny shapes these days, but this is our tentative favorite, if only for the name. The tray produces four ocean liner ice cubes, and four icebergs. Tragedy + Time=Comedy.
A bottle-in-a-glass for people too old to be drinking out of bottles. (Babies drink out of bottles, you odious Bud sucklers.) It looks like someone cut off the bottom of a beer bottle and stuck it in glass upside down. Which is, uh, neat?
Hip Flask and Playing Cards $25, Picnic at Ascot
...in one simulated-suede, attaches-to-your-belt-buckle case. "And a woman's liiiiiiies/Makes a life like mine..."