A Sudden Rush of Blood
by Audrey Ference
Dear Audrey,
My boyfriend and I were having sex, missionary-style (I know everyone thinks missionary is so boring but I like it, I don't know). As he came, he jerked his head forward right as I happened to also jerk my head forward, and he hit my eye with his forehead really hard, completely accidentally. So, now I have a black eye. It has been making people give me weird looks. It's the kind of injury that you really can't do to yourself very easily and "I hit my head on the doorknob" or whatever raises eyebrows. I know it's nobody's business but also what should I tell people? He feels really terrible and is begging me not to tell anyone what happened.
Ha! That's a doozie. Sorry about your eye. Sex injuries are an unfortunate (or I guess fortunate, depending on your persuasion) part of life. Some are more embarrassing than others, but unless you are the sort of person who feels comfortable sharing details of your sex life with concerned parties, there's never really a good explanation. Talk to an ER doctor some time about the number of things in people's butts that they "accidentally fell on."
And you're right that it's nobody's business. You're under no obligation to tell anybody what's going on with your body, ever, if you don't want to. I don't know why some people never learned that it's rude to assume you have the right to know about someone else's health. Nosy health people: knock it off! Of course, if someone is concerned that you are being abused by your partner, it makes sense that they would try and open a dialogue with you about that. It is good to know that there are people in your life who are concerned about your safety and welfare. Presumably anyone who cares about you would feel comfortable hearing "it's a sex boo boo," although I might just stay away from mom and dad until it heals, if possible.
In any case, I think you will probably continue to get weird looks until the black eye fades and there's not a whole lot you can really do about that. You have my permission to make up a story about getting stabbed in the eye while fighting a unicorn or whatever. And I'm guessing I probably don't have to tell your boyfriend to watch where he jerks his head the next time.
Dear Audrey,
I always thought that cock rings were like some kind of bondage thing or a sex toy, like a "for her pleasure" type of thing, but my friend told me that they're just for helping you keep a boner. Is that really true? I feel kind of let down. I always thought they were more freaky deaky.
Sad to say, you friend is right, though they do have ones that have a vibrating component or other bits for the ladies (or other gentlemen). Your boner inflates when blood fills the stretchy cavities in your dick. If you put a tight cock ring on, you make it difficult for the blood to flow back out, thereby keeping your dick hard longer.
Of course, you're welcome to use your cock ring for whatever aesthetic or titillation purpose you'd like. The BDSM community is made of creative folk, and I find it hard to believe cock rings have never been repurposed as cock and ball torture devices. Let your cock ring imagination run free!
For questions and comments, the natural redhead can be reached at sex@thelmagazine.com
