My friend was making out with a chick in a bar and she told him she wanted him to ATM her. He was like what? But then later someone told him it was ass-to-mouth, which I guess is pretty self-explanatory. Is that safe? Is it like a thing? We were all puzzled. I mean, I guess in the course of having sex you could be fucking someone in the ass then they suck your dick but is there a reason for having a specific name for it and everything?
Ok so yeah, what? I don’t know. An informal poll I conducted of people I know indicates that yes, it’s a thing, but no, nobody actually knows anyone who has done it in real life. I think it’s sort of one of those urban legend sex acts like a donkey punch, but one plausible enough that probably a lot of people do it.
I mean ok, sure, there are infinite variations of “lick it clean, bitch” in porns (and real life, especially if you move in dominance play circles) but ATM seems to be having a particular moment right now. Why not ATP? PTM? I get that it’s supposed to be degrading and shit in your mouth is pretty taboo, but still. I’ll tell you, I too am somewhat puzzled by it.
I guess it’s sort of like 69. There’s nothing particularly special about 69ing. I mean you know, it’s nice, but people make it into this big thing when really it’s nothing fancier than a coordinated blowjob. Am I making sense? Anyway, unless someone has spent some serious care with an enema bag preparing for this ATM session, what you get is not going to look a whole lot like what it usually looks like in a porn.
And I know I don’t have to tell you people that it’s not safe to fuck — especially ass fuck — without a condom. And no, it is not really that safe to eat poop either. That is an excellent way to get infected with e.coli.
In conclusion, ATM seems kind of risky and not all that fun for either partner, but hey, it’s your body. I suspect that there are a lot more people talking about it then doing it. Sex trends are weird, man. Next thing I know you’re all going to be snorting smarties or something. I don’t know when I turned into your weird sex Andy Rooney, but what’s wrong with a little plain old-fashioned ass fucking, huh?
PS: This is just a personal rule, but one that has served me well. If a super drunk person asks you to do anything involving their ass, it might be best to decline until they have sobered up. For your own good. Trust me.
After we have sex, my girlfriend always gets right up and goes to the bathroom. I appreciate that you don’t want to get cum on the sheets or whatever, but it always feels a little brusque. Like “ew, get this outta/offa me.” Am I being too sensitive?
I got three letters for you, friend: UTI. I would be willing to bet that your ladyfriend suffers or has suffered from recurring urinary tract infections. And I do mean suffer. They are really, really, uncomfortable. A surefire way to prevent these nasty things is to go pee right after you finish having sex.
So please don’t be insulted. You definitely won’t feel like fucking anyone if you have a UTI, so perhaps it’s a strange compliment: she wants to ensure many future pain-free sex opportunities. Or maybe not. The point is that I would be very surprised to learn it had anything to do with you, especially since if she thought you were gross, why would she keeping doing you?
The more you know, etc.