Hey, it's Author Photo Smackdown!, our look at the semiotics of author photos, in which we translate exactly what our favorite contemporary writers are trying to say in their book-jacket portraits.
"I agree with you that most modern writing is elitist pretension, but I try to think of it as a humble craft. I attempt to assemble my sentences simply and honestly, as if they were an unvarnished oak table, or an immaculate wavy side part."
"Writing my novel meant mining deep in my soul for weighty lodes of harsh, unrefined, necessary truth, all the while stoically stifling the cries of pain yearning to escape my jaw. I pity you, steeped as you are in the naivete of books not written by me."