Blood Simple
by Audrey Ference
I've read your articles about having sex on your period, but what if the guy doesn't want to do it? I've had sex while menstruating with previous partners, but my current one is turned off by the thought. We've tried a few times (he later called it a compromise), but he would go soft during intercourse. I've never been with a partner who has declined sex because of the time of month. Maybe he's just grossed out, which I can understand, but it is still disheartening. Should I just take care of myself while on the rag or convince him that it's really not that gross?
Yeah, the whole ew gross period thing is a real drag. I knew this dude who was like "I just don't like to see blood on my dick" which, what? Are there substances that you do like to see on your dick? Like oh man you guys I'm so extremely heterosexual that I just like to think of the image of vaginal secretions on my dick. Just hold that image in your mind. Sexy. From a certain perspective, all sex acts and body fluids are grody, and that perspective is that of a little kid's. So grow up, is what I'm saying to that person.
On the other hand, everyone's allowed to have boundaries, and even if they seem sort of stupid or inconvenient to you, you've gotta respect them. Like, if someone wanted to get head but decided they were grossed out by giving head, I would urge them to reconsider that boundary, because it's a jerk move. But someone who is just not into period sex, well, ok, fair enough. His loss, basically.
It sounds like he gave it a good shot and it didn't work. Going limp is a pretty definitive no. You guys could try doing it in the shower to make it less messy or in the dark to make the mess less obviously bloody, but it sounds like you're probably just going to have to live with not getting laid for a few days a month. Relationships are all about compromise, you know? If your roles were reversed and he wanted to do something that you'd tried but really just not found yourself into, I'm sure you'd want him to be cool about it. Maybe somewhere down the line he'll have a change of heart (change of dick?) and be willing to give it another go.
I hear you about it being disheartening, especially since I know a lot of chicks get mega horny when they are on the rag. But perhaps think of it as a nice opportunity to reconnect with getting yourself off. I know a lot of people, when they are in a relationship or especially if they're living with their partner, sort of lose track of jacking off (or girl jacking off) because they can just have sex whenever.
But there's something nice about masturbation. Is it weird that I want to call it a masturbation practice? Like meditation practice or yoga practice or something? Yeah I guess. But you know, masturbation can be a time to connect with fantasies and desires and things that get you hot other than just fucking, and can really add richness to a person's sex life beyond the time spent rubbing one out. Anyway, it's not like the people of the world need me to tell them to keep jerking off.
For questions and comments, the natural redhead can be reached at sex@thelmagazine.com
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