Perched on the tip of a new season, dancing lightly between these last warm days and the cool winds of autumn, it behooves us to take a moment of reflection. Let us pause; gaping with wide-eyed wonder at the ‘lemming fashion’ choices we jumped perhaps a bit too hastily into this past summer. We are all of us guilty of one or more of these blunders ? I, too, fell under the spell of Western wear and the Olsen twins’ “Bobo” chic ? but it is important to remember that the first step towards better choices is admitting you have a problem.
“Daisy Duke” Shorts. Blame it on the slaphappy daze that followed in the Hazzards’ wake, but girls all over the city suddenly believed they could pull off glorified walking pockets in places other than the West Side Highway. Reality check: Catherine Bach made a perfect Daisy because she was 5’8” and barely weighed one bill. At 5’3”, Jessica Simpson never stood a chance, even with bigger boobs and bouncier hair. So, far be it from me to dare to best the girl who’s made VH1’s “Hottest Hotties” more times than I’ve even watched.
Huge Sunglasses. Ashley Olsen has joked that she and Mary-Kate started wearing big sunglasses as a way to hide their makeup-free faces from the prying eyes of the press. It was a good move ? one Jackie O. might even have admired. That said, no one was as surprised as I was when suddenly every skinny girl in the East Village with feathered hair and a peasant skirt started wearing sunglasses astronauts could see from space. Scale it back a little, the future’s not looking that bright.
Kukui Nut Necklaces. My roommate fondly remembers a trip to Hawaii in which she marveled at a counter full of massive brown nuts on a string, thinking, “These are cool! But they’d never fly back home ? I’d look ridiculous!” While her choice was as wise as mine in not getting cornrows on a trip to Cancun, neither she nor the entire population of Oahu could have predicted the rush on these overpriced brown clunkers.
Cowboy Boots in July. Sitting below those loathsome shorts often trotted a pair of sweltering leather cowboy boots. I speak as a woman who knows ranch hands in Texas and there is nothing delightful about sweating your toes off inside a pair of Lucchese’s in triple digit heat. Summer boot enthusiasts are no different from those giggling girls standing outside Marquis in mid-February wearing open-toed shoes. Accept the seasons, people. These boots were made for fall.
The Balenciaga Motorcycle Bag. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google it and see how many ‘almost authentic’ ones you can find. At nearly $1,500 a pop, these bags started off as the ‘it’ fashion accessory for hot young starlets and models, but news flash, it’s not a status symbol anymore when you can buy one on Canal Street for $30 and some broker’s chatty Jersey girlfriend has two. ?