I am a great lover, but despite my efforts I can’t make my hot, excitable girl cum. She’s cum twice before, but not with me. Once was with her vibrator and the second time was with an ex while she was high. She also told me that she squirted a ridiculous amount of fluid on those two occasions, which makes my yearning to see her cum so much greater. I know that she enjoys sex with me because she is always ready and willing, but it peeves me a little that she doesn’t cum for me. Any advice?
Oh, sweet question-asker. I’m glad that you are already a great lover so we don’t have to bore everybody with the basics. We are all thankful for that. But let’s take a quick timeout before we get started. When did “come” turn into “cum”? At first I thought that it was like doughnut/donut and light/lite, where one is the correct spelling and the other is a lazy spelling for stupid people and restaurants with trademark issues. But I see more and more people — even in books published by places that, though they are publishing porno, probably have some kind of style guide — using cum. Is it just a disambiguation thing? I honestly don’t know.
But it leads me to a question about your specific situation. It seems like you are using “cum” to mean female ejaculation rather than just orgasm. I mean, maybe not. Probably there are some ladies who ejaculate every time they orgasm. Actually nobody really understands that much about the ol’ female ejaculation, including what exactly is being squirted out and how exactly it’s physically possible. My point is that she may be “cumming” in the classical sense of the word, just not ejaculating.
Anyway, since your lady is happy with your expert lovemaking, the semantics aren’t that important. What is important is that you are hurtin for a squirtin. Here’s what I suggest: take the two things that caused her to come before — pot and a vibrator — and combine them with a healthy dose of low-key exploration. Get high, break out the hardware, and experiment.
It should sound a lot like, “Over there. No, up a little. Ok, good, but harder. Ow! Not pinchy-harder. Yeah, there you go.” It’s awkward, but it works. That way you and she can figure out her plumbing together. Eventually, you’ll get the mechanics down and have her squirting reliably. Plus you will have graduated to level 10 Fuck Mage, which awards you extra hit points and a healing spell. Yay!
It should sound a lot like: “Over there.
No, up a little. Ok, good, but harder.
Ow! Not pinchy-harder. Yeah, there you go.”
You hear a lot about how including food in your sex life is titillating — the whipped cream bikini, edible underwear — but whenever I’ve tried it, it’s just kind of weird. What’s the deal? Am I doing it wrong?
You know, that’s something I’ve never understood either. Surely there are people who have fetishes involving food, and good on them, but food sex gets talked about like it’s this mainstream thing. Even discounting the mess and the possibility of infection, I don’t quite get it. Like, sex areas have a certain musk that, while not unpleasant, doesn’t exactly make me think, “Wow, a panty-shaped fruit roll up would really go well with this pussy musk.”
Perhaps just the idea of mouths on genitals? Like maybe from a time when oral sex was more taboo or something? Or lubrication that doesn’t taste like weird fry oil? Though whipped cream/chocolate sauce/honey/whatever don’t seem like it’d work very well as lube anyway. It’s a puzzle. Anyone got any thoughts about this issue, drop a line.