Oh, yeah. Who doesn’t go to prom? Losers. I mean, I was a loser. I didn’t have a date. My mom said I should go with a cousin who lived nearby, which, no way! I did ask a girl. She was the hot girl in school; we called her Erica Flawless, but she was a bitch. She didn’t just say no, she screamed it in the cafeteria. “No fucking way!” Since then I never ask a girl out in public. Anyway, I went and stayed for like 30 minutes. Then me and some friends left and got high.
We didn’t really have proms the way you do here, but we did have an end-of-the-school-year dance that I went to with my girlfriend. It was kind of a big deal, since my family was prepping to move, and this was one of the last time we were going to be together. I actually lost my virginity that night, if that’s not TMI. [Laughs]
And of course we were like, “We’re so in love! We’re going to be together forever!” Nope! [How long did you stay in touch with her?]
Not counting Facebook? Two months.
The Lower East Side
We called it “prom,” but it was just a ghetto dance. You wear a tux? [To mine? Yes.]
I didn’t. I didn’t give a shit. I wore these baggy-ass True Religion jeans. I don’t remember much about it; I think we got drunk and left. Got McDonald’s. It was at the school. Who the fuck wants to hang out at school when you don’t have to?
Yes. I was trying to plan it with a few other guys in my year. They were making contingency plans—the easiest girl to ask, which girl wouldn’t say no, etc., and I said, “I want to go with someone who matters—someone I’m meant to be with.” They thought that was ridiculous. But I really liked this girl, who was out of my league but was talking with me and was great, and I asked her in a really ridiculous and “me” way: I wrote it on the side of a goat—not a live goat—and pulled it on stage during a rehearsal for the school play. The goat was a prop for Joseph and the Amazing... something something. And she said yes! The other guys in this little club were flabbergasted. We ended up pogo-ing to “Lovefool” and making out in a station wagon. Cool kids.