Etymology is the Sexiest Ology
by Audrey Ference
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Dear Audrey,
My boyfriend has a drippy penis. He says he has a UTI, but I thought only girls could get those. Is he lying about getting an STD? Is he cheating on me?
Nope, pretty much anything with a urinary tract can get a UTI (including cats! Ask me how I know!). It’s definitely much, much more common in women, but dudes can also experience the joy that is the UTI.
According to my sources (the internet), boy UTIs may possibly be caused by one of the following: too much booze, too much coffee, equestrian sports, getting poo poo in your pee pee, ejaculating too often, not ejaculating often enough, a fucked up prostate, diabetes, dehydration, being old or blue balls. Oh, or too much spicy food.
Have you noticed your boyfriend eating/drinking/ejaculating/having diabetes/equestrian sporting/being old more or less than usual? Well, then there’s your answer! Although probably he should see a doctor just to be sure. Which hopefully he already has, which is how he found out what he had in the first place.
Boys, if you are in this situation, ask your doctor about the orange pee medicine. Just trust me. You want orange pee medicine.
READER TALK-BACK CORNER: We Seem to Have Reached a Consensus on “Chesticles”
Regular readers may remember that a few issues ago I asked for help understanding the etymology/meaning of the word “chesticles.” Thankfully, some of you were kind enough to write in and help clear things up.
Some colorful imagery from Larry in Queens:
“Sorry to break it to you, but ‘chesticles is nothing more than a combination of ‘chest’ and ‘testicles,’ or, more specifically, testicles on the chest. Not just any boobs are chesticles, however. They need to be big, round and have a certain sag to them, so that they invoke the image of, as you call them, fun bags. I like to call them ‘meat bags.’ The term ‘chesticles’ has nothing to do with ball sac attributes like sweat, wrinkles, or pubic hair, although I’d imagine if a pair of boobs were sweaty, wrinkly and covered in pubes, it might evoke to an even greater degree the moniker of ‘chesticles.’ I hope this helps. I would say it was my pleasure, but after re-reading that last sentence, I feel ill.”
Me too, Larry, me too. Reader Bobb flexes that Master’s degree with some piquant observations (watch out ladies, this guy’s no prescriptivist):
"I think you’re overthinking the whole ‘chesticles’ phenomenon, especially given its Maxim-reader-types origins. For example, when your average frat gentleman calls his friend ‘Brocephus,’ he’s not actually comparing his friend to the first-century religious scholar Josephus, it’s just a wacky rhyme that probably seems super-clever to a guy who’s using an empty High Life 12-pack box as a hat.”
So true! Plus, a nice fellow from Staten Island checks in with some expanded boob vocabulary:
“Audrey, sorta related to your epilogue of this week’s column, I have heard the words, ‘moobs’ to describe men with, well, you know. The first time I heard of the word chesticles was in your column, and I will never use it — it conjures up a horrific image (can’t you just envision those ‘guys’ hanging from one’s chest — OMG).”
So there you go. It seems we can all agree that the word “chesticles” equals awful. Maxim readers and writers, take note. Furthermore, Bobb does not approve of your hilarious beer hat. Sorry, broham. •
Dear Audrey,
My boyfriend has a drippy penis. He says he has a UTI, but I thought only girls could get those. Is he lying about getting an STD? Is he cheating on me?
Nope, pretty much anything with a urinary tract can get a UTI (including cats! Ask me how I know!). It’s definitely much, much more common in women, but dudes can also experience the joy that is the UTI.
According to my sources (the internet), boy UTIs may possibly be caused by one of the following: too much booze, too much coffee, equestrian sports, getting poo poo in your pee pee, ejaculating too often, not ejaculating often enough, a fucked up prostate, diabetes, dehydration, being old or blue balls. Oh, or too much spicy food.
Have you noticed your boyfriend eating/drinking/ejaculating/having diabetes/equestrian sporting/being old more or less than usual? Well, then there’s your answer! Although probably he should see a doctor just to be sure. Which hopefully he already has, which is how he found out what he had in the first place.
Boys, if you are in this situation, ask your doctor about the orange pee medicine. Just trust me. You want orange pee medicine.
READER TALK-BACK CORNER: We Seem to Have Reached a Consensus on “Chesticles”
Regular readers may remember that a few issues ago I asked for help understanding the etymology/meaning of the word “chesticles.” Thankfully, some of you were kind enough to write in and help clear things up.
Some colorful imagery from Larry in Queens:
“Sorry to break it to you, but ‘chesticles is nothing more than a combination of ‘chest’ and ‘testicles,’ or, more specifically, testicles on the chest. Not just any boobs are chesticles, however. They need to be big, round and have a certain sag to them, so that they invoke the image of, as you call them, fun bags. I like to call them ‘meat bags.’ The term ‘chesticles’ has nothing to do with ball sac attributes like sweat, wrinkles, or pubic hair, although I’d imagine if a pair of boobs were sweaty, wrinkly and covered in pubes, it might evoke to an even greater degree the moniker of ‘chesticles.’ I hope this helps. I would say it was my pleasure, but after re-reading that last sentence, I feel ill.”
Me too, Larry, me too. Reader Bobb flexes that Master’s degree with some piquant observations (watch out ladies, this guy’s no prescriptivist):
"I think you’re overthinking the whole ‘chesticles’ phenomenon, especially given its Maxim-reader-types origins. For example, when your average frat gentleman calls his friend ‘Brocephus,’ he’s not actually comparing his friend to the first-century religious scholar Josephus, it’s just a wacky rhyme that probably seems super-clever to a guy who’s using an empty High Life 12-pack box as a hat.”
So true! Plus, a nice fellow from Staten Island checks in with some expanded boob vocabulary:
“Audrey, sorta related to your epilogue of this week’s column, I have heard the words, ‘moobs’ to describe men with, well, you know. The first time I heard of the word chesticles was in your column, and I will never use it — it conjures up a horrific image (can’t you just envision those ‘guys’ hanging from one’s chest — OMG).”
So there you go. It seems we can all agree that the word “chesticles” equals awful. Maxim readers and writers, take note. Furthermore, Bobb does not approve of your hilarious beer hat. Sorry, broham. •
