1 Hawaiian Tropic Zone729 Seventh Ave.
Originally modeled on the Unitarian conception of purgatory, the “Zone keepers” opted instead for “slightly overweight pubescent suburbanite’s masturbatory Valhalla/Tiki fantasy.” Aloha!
2 Condé Nast Cafeteria4 Times Square
All the anxiety and viciousness of your high school lunchroom with a hundred times the budget and a thousand times the cruel acumen. Torquemada meets Candace Bushnell.
3 Third Baseat Yankee Stadium161 St. and River Ave, The Bronx
“Why hast Thou forsaken me, my lord God? Why hast Thou blessed me with these gifts, these five tools, only to abandon me? Have I not given enough?” “No.”
4 Outside The Today Show 30 Rockefeller Plaza
There is a rarely translated book of Apocrypha found in the Clementine Vulgate that goes something like this: “When God returns to New York City, the people holding signs outside The Today Show shall be swallowed up into a great and eternal darkness.” For reals!
5 The Atlantic Yards
God hasn’t been to Brooklyn since the Dodgers left, and the Nets certainly aren’t about to lure him back. Frank Gehry’s “Brooklyn Bride” as false idol... discuss.