For Every Vice, There is a Virtue
A New Yorker's Guide to Sin and Penance
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The INDULGENCE: Diamond Dress
A Malaysian designer created a $30 million evening gown made of silk
and taffeta, with a 70-carat (there are that many carats?) pear-shaped
diamond and a train of diamonds. Unfortunately, the diamonds aren't
edible. As far as we know.
The PENANCE: Donating Business Attire
Ladies can donate their old business suits to Dress for Success,
which provides professional attire to disadvantaged women. Meanwhile,
the Kingswood Youth Center in New Hampshire accepts eveningwear
donations so kids can look nice at prom.
The INDULGENCE: Expensive Vacations
Musha Cay, a private island in the Bahamas, is probably a better
vacation spot than your usual visit to Floyd Bennett Field's
campgrounds, as rates start at $24,740 per day.
The PENANCE: Getting Underprivileged Kids out of the City for the
Summer
In contrast, you could volunteer or donate to the Salvation Army,
who send underprivileged kids to summer camp and get them out of this
rotten cesspool of a city with its campgrounds in former airports.
The INDULGENCE: Bullet-proof Stroller
For $600, your "smart urban baby" can be safe on any city street in
Bullet Proof Baby's bulletproof stroller. But what do the company's
customers, like Texas' Stacy Weaver, have to say? "My baby survived a
freak hunting accident last fall thanks to this amazing bullet proof
stroller. We all feared the worst but my darling Trevor was unharmed.
Highly recommended!"
The PENANCE: Temporarily Boarding an Infant
Instead of indulging your neuroses over your own children, you could
do something to solve the real problems facing someone else's;
Spence-Chapin Services needs volunteers to provide temporary boarding
for infants awaiting permanent placement. You can do something similar
for dogs, too, not that we're saying dogs and babies are the same
thing...they're just very similar.
The INDULGENCE: Renting a Hummer Limo
Take a taxi? What are you, a peasant? $650 will get you three hours
in a Hummer Limo. Fuck the environment!
The PENANCE: Driving Disabled New Yorkers Around
If you're a licensed driver, NYC Service needs you to transport
disabled adults to personal appointments, etc. With any luck, it'll be
exactly like Driving Miss Daisy. Or, rather, nothing like that.
The INDULGENCE: Lap Dances
$1000 will buy you a private, half-hour lap dance at VIP Strip
Club. In addition, you get a bottle of champagne, a plate of caviar,
and your girl will sign a G-string for you to take home and obsessively
hide from your girlfriend.
The PENANCE: Helping Domestic Violence Victims
Do something positive for women rather than exploit them sexually
— like, volunteer at Sanctuary for Families, which helps battered
women and their children rebuild their lap dance-less lives (if you
could call that living).
The INDULGENCE: Buying Handmade Books
The New York Public Library recently displayed a $126,000 handmade
book, weighing in at 62 pounds and bound in marble and velvet, which
depicted the works of Michelangelo. It takes its creator six months to
make each tome. And people actually buy them.
The PENANCE: Volunteering at the Library or Donating Books to
Prisoners
Before you buy expensive handmade books, take the time to donate
your old ones to Books Through Bars, which will redistribute them to
prisoners. If Shawshank Redemption taught us anything, it's that even
prisoners deserve a library.
The INDULGENCE:Expensive Hotel Rooms
Up to three people can stay at the Four Seasons' Ty Warner
Penthouse, 4,300 sq that runs $34,000. That's only $11,000 or so each
— perfect for bored Brooklynites looking to spend a night in "the
city." Or, a place for your parents to stay when they come to
straighten things out with your trust fund.
Related Stories
The Vices of the Virtuous
The L sought out virtuous New Yorkers and asked them what vices they indulge in, mainly to feel better about ourselves. And we do. Feel better.
May 13, 2009
