Dear Audrey, A few months ago, my girlfriend of a year or so got pregnant. We were both like, “Oh, hell no”; she had an abortion, and everything was fine. Or at least I thought it was. Even though we added an extra birth-control method, I have lately found myself freaking out halfway through sex. Everything will be normal, and then suddenly I feel this panic and have to stop. Logically it makes no sense, especially since she was the one who had to go through the abortion procedure. I know it’s starting to hurt her feelings. I want sex to be fun again. What should I do?
See a therapist! Or if you already see someone, talk to them about it. Honestly, this doesn’t even sound like a sex problem to me. It sounds like an “oh god, I am petrified by the prospect of adulthood and/or paralyzed by the decision of whether or not I want kids someday and/or terrified of commitment and serious relationships” problem that just happens to occur during sex.
I will say, as a person who has anxiety problems, something about the kind of relaxation and letting go that good sex requires is fertile ground for worries to jump in and ruin everything. Everyone loves to talk about how the brain is the biggest sex organ, but it’s also the biggest boner killer. So get that brain in therapy and sort it out.