Have Your Cake and Suck a Cock, Too? 

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Dear Audrey,
I identify as a straight guy. I feel like a straight guy. I love women! But sometimes, I also really like to suck cock. I have thought honestly about it, and I can’t see myself in a relationship with a man, but I also can’t imagine giving up the cocksucking part of my life. I’m not with anyone right now, but I would someday like to get married and stuff. I don’t really know how to resolve these two things. What do you think?

Well, ideally you can find yourself a gal who also likes to suck cock, and it’s something you could do together as a couple. Or if it’s more of an alone-time thing, a lady who likes to get a little on the side or even just doesn’t mind if you do. These days, it shouldn’t be too tough to find a person who wants to get married, just not in a monogamous way.

But that brings up an excellent question, which is: if you are a person for whom monogamy is not on the table, but who is into the idea of a long-term committed relationship, how exactly do you bring that up to potential partners? Obviously, it’s not really a first date conversation. In between getting-to-know-you chitchat, coming out with, “If you’re thinking about a monogamous marriage, DON’T, because I’m gonna be fucking other people till I die!” is probably not going to result in a second date.

In general, assuming the other person wants a committed relationship feels presumptuous, until you get to the point where you are talking about committing to a relationship. But at that point, if the other person has no idea that you’re not into monogamy, they might feel a little blindsided. It’s been my experience that people who value monogamy REALLY value it, and might feel hurt or misled.

Often it comes up naturally in the course of talking about past relationships and sex stuff. But for you, dear question-asker, unless you specifically bring it up, it may not. “So, are you into occasionally blowing random guys?” is not on the list of questions most straight chicks I know have for new lovers. I think you can probably get a handle on how cool someone would be with an open relationship based on their general attitude toward sex, and so therefore figure out a good way to have a conversation about your needs that will feel comfortable and happy for both of you.

But. I can also envision a scenario in which you fall for a woman who is wonderful and you want a future with, except that you sense she wouldn’t be cool with you giving sporadic Craigslist head. So you decide not to tell her, and just keep doing it on the side, knowing there is basically no way that you’ll ever get caught. Please do not do this.

Not only will you probably eventually get caught and have your nice life ripped apart by a shit-storm of sadness, it’s just not cool to cheat on people. It’s just not. That’s not how you treat someone you love, you know? I am 100 percent in favor of married people having sex with people who are not their spouses. But lying to your partner is hurtful. Not to mention that you’re going to feel unhappy about hiding a part of who you are from someone you love. That sucks.



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