About a year ago, a friend and I went over to a guy’s house. He had a couple of friends over, and then we all started drinking. I got real drunk and could not remember anything but jumping all over my friend. One of the guys saw me on the street and told me that I had sex with three people there. I am not proud of that; it still haunts me at night, because I feel like somebody will say something and it will hurt my feelings. I thought that I was just having innocent fun but it turned out to be a nightmare. I was considering moving out of state for a while until things die down or go away. What should I do? I feel like a ho because of it. I feel as if my past has caught up to me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, lady! Look, if there were an Embarrassing Drunken Hookup Relocation Program, we would all eventually be working at a gas station in Kansas somewhere with new anonymous-sounding names. First of all, you’re allowed to sleep with as many people as you want and anyone who tells you different can go fuck themselves.
Please don’t let this bother you, if it is bothering you because you feel like you’re a slut or something. Seriously. It is ok. Everyone does dumb shit sometimes, and then feel stupid about it later. Lesson: try not to get blackout drunk. I mean, you know, drinking is fun, but maybe try and put the brakes on before you get to the blackout stage because hey, that’s when people do things they later regret.
That is the first part of my answer. Everyone fucks people they’re later embarrassed about. It’s part of life and I really think you shouldn’t worry about that. But, and I realize I’m overstepping the bounds of your question, so please feel free to ignore me (and also not to get all College Orientation Sex Talk on you), but a blackout drunk person cannot give sexual consent. The fact that two people had sex with you and you don’t remember AT ALL verges well into the area of sketchy, to my mind.
I mean look, I’m certainly not saying that women shouldn’t get all tanked up and get some ass. You all know that I am totally a drunk, third wave, pro-ass feminist. But your description of what happened just kind of sets off alarm bells for me: there is a very wide continuum between ungentlemanly behavior and rape, and I am not trying to bring the R-word into this, necessarily, but I will say the dudes in this story fall somewhere along that continuum, from what I understood from what you wrote.
It’s not my intent to make you feel even more worried about what happened. Just that it sounds like what happened that night might go slightly beyond an embarrassing hookup. Maybe not! I don’t want to speak for you. But if something about it is still bothering you that much, I can’t help but wonder if that is why.
Whether or not that’s something you want to mentally explore further is up to you, but I will say that going forward, if you know you’re going to a party and you’re going to get faced, it’s not a terrible idea to have a trustworthy friend with you so you guys can keep an eye on each other. That way one of you can drag the other home if she’s getting sloppy, or you can check in with each other and doubly make sure that you’re ok with what you’re doing. Just, you know, it is important to have fun, but also important to make sure you’re having fun in a safe space.
In general though: don’t sweat this. It’ll blow over. Don’t let some gossipy asshole hurt your feelings. Fuck those guys.