Lights, Camera, Whiskey
by Audrey Ference
Getting dinner and a movie seems to be the cultural norm for date-related activities. I guess that sort of makes sense; food plus an activity equals a full evening, both dinners and movies can be modified to fit nearly any personality, and eating and entertainment are the two pillars of American life. But if you think about it, dinner and a movie isn’t so great, timing-wise. Now that the Screening Room is no more, you either have to meet up early to see the movie then have dinner afterward all hungry and grumpy, or you have to eat early and then rush to make the movie. Stuffing falafel in your face at 7 o’clock so that you’re sure to get ok seats for the 8:15 pm showing of House of Wax is kind of, you know, depressing. It’s definitely not going to win you a blowjob in the back row of the theater or anything. If you ask me, the ideal date isn’t dinner at all but rather drinks and a movie at the same time. In some parts of the world they have movie theaters that will serve you booze right there, fair and square, but around here, you’ve got to finagle it. Here are some suggestions:
Outside Movies
Brooklyn Bridge Park [Thursdays], Bryant Park [Mondays]: Sometimes you have to be sneaky, but it’s hard to beat picnic blankets under the stars augmented by grapes, cheese, and a fine Mad Dog 20/20. Obviously summer is a necessity, here, as well.
Pros: Big screen, BYOB
Cons: Grumpy cops, those people who get there at freaking 5 pm to save space
Bar Movie Nights
Hank’s, Atlantic and 3rd [Mondays], Wonder Bar 6th and A [Mondays]: Movie night can mean anything from a skipping DVD and $2 Peebers to drag queens and martini specials.
Pros: Drink specials
Cons: Movie quality varies widely, loud dumbasses
Smuggling (aka The Alkie)
(any movie theater): Ah, the ol’ tall boy in the gym bag trick. It’s a classic for a reason, folks. Just wait until the lights go out then crack open a frosty Bud Lite for you and the little lady to share. Muy romantico! Or, for the classier gent, there’s the flask-emptied-into-small-soda maneuver. Or hey, even just a flask-shaped bottle clutched tightly in your shaking, cirrhosis-yellowed hands. No judgment here.
Pros: The thrill of the sneak, popcorn
Cons: Drunkenly yelling at Dr. Octopus, that wino feeling •
