Losing It, Cleaning It.
by Audrey Ference
Dear Audrey,
I'm 20 and still a virgin. All my friends keep telling me just to find some guy and lose it because it's not going to be that great the first time anyway. I guess I always just had this romantic image of what my first time would be like, but now I'm worried it's too late for that—what college guy would put down rose petals or whatever, you know? Still, I worry that if my first time isn't special, I won't enjoy sex as much in the future. How important do you think your first time is, in terms of setting a model for the rest of your sex life?
Y'know, I guess I never really thought about it that way. That seems like a very therapy-informed idea of losing one's virginity, somehow. I'd say that based on my experience, the circumstance of losing it didn't have much effect on my later sex life, except that it was not nearly as terrifying as I thought it would be. Penetrative sex was less of a big deal than I'd thought. But then again, my first time was fine—not great, not bad. Just, you know, ok. I was on the older end of things, too: I didn't lose it until I was 18.
I think if your first sexual experience is something traumatic and awful (which it unfortunately is for a lot of people) then yes, of course, that could impact your ability to enjoy sex for the rest of your life. But I don't think there's some direct connection between the number of scented candles in the room and how many orgasms you'll be able to have in one sitting at 30. I suspect you're right that you've missed your window for that sort of thing, which sounds very “senior prom hotel room/my parents are out of town for the weekend” to me. But that doesn't mean you have to settle for some indifferent dude-bro with the beer sweats grunting anonymously over you, either. It's your hymen—do what feels right to you.
Dear Audrey,
I enjoy getting facials every now and again as part of a balanced sexual diet, but I'm sort of stumped as to how to gracefully clean up afterward. I don't want to jump right up and seem squeamish, but I also don't really want to sit there dripping all over whatever surface is underneath me. Is there some trick to this I'm not thinking of.
Not really! Or I should say: not that I know of. I'm sure there's the Grace Kelly of getting jizzed on out there somewhere, making it all look effortless, but I do not know his or her secrets. Ideally, I guess, you'd have some baby wipes at hand so both parties can wipe off afterward, but depending on the “surface” we're talking about, that may or may not be possible?
Regular readers know I am a big proponent of accepting (and celebrating?) the inherent gooey/messy/sticky/gunky elements of sex, but even I blanch a little at watching someone wad up a million tissues to scrape jizz off their face. You'd end up still messy and surrounded by dirty kleenex. It seems to me that unless you or your partner have a particular affinity for cleaning one another off or smearing around spooge (which is totally normal and fine if you do!), maybe forego the post-coital cuddling and just go wash your face.
Sex@TheLMagazine.com for questions or comment
Illustration Mike Force
Comments (2)
Showing 1-2 of 2
