Oh, Hey, I Know That Subway Platform!
by T. Geoghegan
Loosies
Directed by Michael Corrente
Mere seconds into Loosies, writer/producer/star Peter Facinelli reveals his skills as NYC's most perfectly manicured pickpocket, a charming faux stockbroker who can swipe cellphones almost as easily as ladies' numbers. Unfortunately for Facinelli's Bobby, he's a bit too good at both, having recently made headlines after nicking the badge of an unhinged police lieutenant (Michael Madsen), and discovering—three months after the fact—that he's knocked up a drunken one-night-stand (the adorable Jamie Alexander, fresh from Thor).
On top of that, Bobby's shady boss (Vincent Gallo) is pushing him for bigger scores and his long-widowed mother is moving in with her new beau (Joey Pantoliano)—all of which culminates in a spectacularly predictable not-that-twisted twist ending and saccharine, everyone-gets-theirs finale.
The problem herein actually isn't the seemingly endless cliched plot points, or even in the wildly eclectic but sorely underused cast—but rather, the shockingly amateur way in which it's all presented. Shot on digital, Loosies looks like it was snapped on the fly and edited with a chainsaw. Scenes are so jarringly hacked together that a simple conversation feels like a boxing match, and the only way we know we're in a flashback is thanks to tacky soft music and even tackier soft focus.
While they sporadically look like they're reading cue cards, the chemistry between Facinelli and Alexander is undeniable, and Madsen's loose-cannon cop—who, when annoyed, casually throws one of his own men through a restaurant window—is an enjoyable (if not necessarily intentional) comic foil. For Gotham sightseers, the flick has more than enough scenery, as virtually every moment in the film is intercut with random shots of the leads staring wistfully from all manner of streetcorners, bridges, and subway platforms.
Currently available on-demand, Loosies makes for a passable night at home, but those venturing into the theater hoping for professional cinema, may find themselves surprised and disappointed by its technical ineptitude.
Opens January 11 at IFC Center
