Old Man Wonders Where Pubic Hair Went 

Dear Audrey,
In my younger days (many years ago), a guy could find out if a girl was a natural redhead or a natural blonde by getting her naked and comparing the color of her pubic hair with the color of the hair on her head. Now that I've reached the "dirty old man" phase of my life, where my only contact with naked women is men's magazines and porn, it appears that pubic hair has become a thing of the past. Just when and why did "the Beaver" become extinct?

P.S. It has always been my understanding that pubic hair (on men and women) was an evolutionary development to provide a cushion for the genitals as they come crashing together during vigorous fucking. So, does this

click to enlarge Redhead_audrey.jpg
mean that the modern-day woman is actually devolving?

Yes, obviously "modern-day" women are devolving by waxing off their pubes—soon we'll all be "as hairless as an ape," if you'll excuse such an over-used cliche. Also, Lemarck, you might want to check out the mechanics on that evolution thing. Also, also? CUSHIONING? Damn, son, you must have some serious hydraulic-style bush down there.

So, that old "if it's natural, the carpets match the drapes" chestnut is not that accurate. I personally know of several natural blondes—and yes, I'm sure—who have naturally dark pubes. In fact, I bet one of them is reading this right now. Hello, my two-toned friend!

Fear not, though, pervy grandpa. Though life does imitate porn in some respects, like for example I'm pretty sure pizza delivery guy uniforms are now tear-away pants across the board, many ladies of the modern age retain at least some amount of bush. You would probably have a harder time finding 70s Joy of Sex-style crotch clouds in the wild than you would've 30 or 40 years ago, but I would say the majority of the women I know do some shaping or trimming, but retain some amount of crotch fur.

In fact, is it just me or is crotch waxing on the decline? It certainly isn't in the national conversation the way it was a couple years ago, with ladies getting their bushes waxed into hearts and a hundred people thinking they coined "clitler" to describe the very short mustache-style landing strip cut. Are we doing it less or just talking about it less? Is whimsical bikini-waxing another casualty of These Hard Times?

As to why ladies are waxing more bush off, well, I guess one answer is fashion, and another is the normalization of porn-star haircare regimens, that better picture quality and HD in porn has made them more wary of every little "flaw," and that as goes porn, so go the expectations for laywomen. Remember that whole anal bleaching thing from a while back?

But y'all know me. Of course my answer is going to be the same as to the question of why our ever-narrowing standard of beauty demands that women be always thinner, whiter, bigger-titted, more hairless, white-toothed, luscious-lipped, sweatless, smooth-skinned, tight-assed, long eyelashed, wrinkle-free, firm, sweet-smelling, high-heeled, shiny-haired, and required to drop her 70-cents-on-the-dollar-plus-second-shift paycheck on bullshit like vaginal rouge, which yes, really does fucking exist: THE MAN.

And if hairless cha-chas make your boner sad, then meditate on the fact that the patriarchy hurts us all, brother.

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