Every time I’ve fallen in love, the object of my desire has been onstage. Yes, I’m one of those annoying, theater-lovin’ gals who tends to fixate on men — Alan Cumming, Victor Garber, Tommy Tune — who’d only want me as their hag. So it’s fun to get a crush on an actor who might actually want me back. Ty Jones is one of those guys. Although he may not be a big name — on Broadway he usually plays spear-carrier number four in Shakespeare revivals — up in Harlem he won accolades for his portrayal of Macbeth, which was one of the scariest and sexiest performances I have ever seen. Now he’s appearing in the Jacobean thriller The Revenger’s Tragedy (Culture Project, 45 Bleecker St, Nov 26–Dec 18), an anonymously penned play adapted and directed by Red Bull Theater’s Jesse Berger. Jones should be comfortable with the material since it’s a potboiling pastiche of the Bard’s oeuvre filled with vengeance, corruption, government hypocrisy and murder. Unfortunately there’s no nudity (a naked Jones was what I was hoping for) but that means there won’t be any distraction from his talent.
From time to time, I dig actresses, too. (Hey, I had my bisexual phase in college.) And one of my longtime faves is Ellen Greene, who played Audrey in the original production of Little Shop of Horrors. She’s back on the boards in A Broadway Diva Christmas (Julia Miles Theater, 424 W. 55th St., Nov. 23–Dec 31), a revue of holiday tunes sung by some of the most fabulous ladies in the biz. Greene’s got a gorgeous belt and a quirky sense of humor, and she even managed to hold her own against Eric Bogosian when he chewed the camera in the film version of Talk Radio. I can just imagine what she’s going to do to little baby Jesus.
I don’t know if Keith Nobbs is gay in real-life, but he often is onstage. I first saw him in the grossly underrated Stupid Kids playing a confused queer teenager who listened to the Smiths and I’ve adored him ever since. Now he’s starring in Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead (Century Center, 111 E. 15th St, begins Dec 1), an unauthorized, adult parody of Charlie Brown and his buddies that previously played New York during the 2004 Fringe Festival. No word on the orientation of Nobb’s character, but I’ll be the Marcie to his Peppermint Patty anytime.